Mistakes We Knew We Were Making
by gostlcards
Summary: JasonDavid decides he has to find Nicky, and Nicky decides somethings of her own. NickyJasonDavid.
1. Chapter 1

Spoilers for Bourne Ultimatum...this is my second fic, a different route I took except for the beginning of the fic. I used the beginning of the last fic, just cause I like how it sounded and I just like that story line, but this is going to turn into a longer, chaptered fic….I hope you guys like it! Please R&R!

Disclaimer: not mine.

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"It was difficult for me...with you."

He just stared at her, gaze unwavering, and she searched his eyes for some sign of recognition. She found none, and soon looked away, the silence defeaning in the cafe.

She watched him as they sat there in silence, studied him for imprints of a person from the past and found almost nothing. A shrug here, a gesture there, all with echoes of someone who didn't live there anymore.

_"Why are you helping me?"_

_David Webb looked up at her, hazel eyes smiling behind thick goggles as the rest of his face remained calm. He removed the thick headset from over his eyes._

_"What? I can't hear you?"_

_She looked at him, bored. "You know what I said."_

_Then he chuckled, the smile alighting his face in amusement, looking away before looking back at her, trying to hide the slight blush traveling up his neck._

_"You looked like you were having a hard time over here...I just figured I'd be gentlemanly and lend a hand." He took the gun from her hand and clicked the safety on, smiling as he handed it back._

_"First time on the firing range?"_

_"Yes...I'm...I'm new." She couldn't elaborate on her training, or her job, but he recognized the uncertainty behind the half truth and nodded._

_"Confidential. Got it. Well..." He trailed off, looking around and then back at her, smiling ever still. "Welcome to Langley."_

_She wanted to scoff, but couldn't. His smile was flirtatious, and made him even more handsome and she was suddenly aware of warmth spreading on her neck, her stomach suddenly fluttering as she made eye contact once more with him. She licked her lips and cleared her throat. "Um...thank you, I guess. I'm Nicky, Nicky Parsons."_

_"Lieutenant David Webb." He took her hand, shaking it warmly. "Nice to meet you, Nicky Parsons."_

Twisted irony brought her to where she was. David had disappeared on her, after two years being together one rainy night in 1996. He had orders, an assignment he couldn't tell her about that came with his new rank of captain, and she never saw him again. Until that is, she took an assignment, offered especially for her, a top secret program 5 years later that put her right back with him.

She remembered seeing him for the first time, those 5 years later, and realizing, sickeningly, that he had no clue who she was. He was not her David, but someone completely different.

In a broken home, she watched him, his breathing ragged and heavy as he stood above the body of Desh, hands bloodied as they squeezed the life from the man. It was hard to watch; she had always ordered the assassinations, but seeing him, of all people, kill a man right in front of her...she would never get used to something like that.

In a cheap hotel room, she watched him in the mirror as he stared at his hands, turning them over and she knew he was replaying what he had done. She saw him then, David, the man she fell in love years before, and made her way over with out a word and handed him the wash cloth, placing a hand on his own in a comforting gesture.

He stared back, and for less than a moment, she wondered if he remembered, if he knew everything. But then it was gone, any chance of recognition, and it was back to business. "They'll kill you for this."

She knew that. When she colored her hair and saw him staring at her in the mirror, she knew he saw her fear and anxiety. She wondered if he saw her longing as well, thinly veiled emotions that had gotten her through the years they'd been hunting him. She had to keep telling herself it was Jason Bourne and that he stopped being David a long time before. Two separate people in the same package.

But Webb's humanity seemed to have caught up to his alter ego, on a boat in the middle of the Atlantic years before, bringing her so close to him once more.

He walked her to the bus, and she again wondered if he might know. He shifted his weight uncomfortably, both not knowing what to say to fill the silence. A part of her wanted to tell him, call him David; she wanted to see his smile, just one more time. But she nodded and walked towards the bus, only stopping as his voice reached her, his attempt at words of comfort only disappointing her further.

"It get's easier," He said softly. She stared blankly back at him before moving onto the bus without a glance back.

_He held her in her kitchen, both with their damp hair and clothes from the rain, a few silent tears making their way down her face._

_"I know it's hard, being apart, but this is bigger than us, Nic. It'll be over before you know it, you know, and I'll be back. This being away...it get's easier." He had kissed her temple, before unwrapping his arms from around and wordlessly slipping out of the apartment, leaving her alone in the dark, neither knowing he wouldn't be back._

**It never get's easier, Jason,** she thought, as the bus pulled away. **It never has.**

* * *

He didn't know exactly what was going on, but he felt the pressure of the water from all sides. A sharp pain radiated from his lower back, and in his semi consciousness recalled the sound of gunfire.

He opened his mouth to breathe and got a mouth full of water. That seemed to trigger his senses and he kicked hard, unevenly at first, sending his body twisting in the water for a few seconds before he gained control and got it right. He met the night air, hacking up water, gasping for breath, and getting a few clear lungfuls before starting off immediately. They might be on the roof, looking down. They may have even been on the river bank, waiting for him to surface and he wasn't going to give them the chance. Somehow he forced his mind to dismiss the urgency of the pain in his back and keep going, out of sheer desperation, half letting his body be carried by the current.

For now, he was trying to sort out the slideshow occuring in his mind. Images flashed by, bits and pieces of memories that seemed to surface every few minutes, new pieces of information inudating him until he almost felt overloaded.

_An older woman's face, her blonde hair graying and her face sad as she tried to smile, caressing his face..._

_A man who resembled him, laughing, hitting him playfully on the arm..._

Countless other snapshots seem to come to mind as he realized it was getting time to stop floating. He swam towards an empty bank of the river, now in an area where he could remain hidden and pulled himself up on to the bank, laying there. As his eyes closed in near exhaustion, one face stood out among the rest.

All he had to do was find her.

------

"You're probably wondering why I wanted to speak with you."

It had been three weeks since the highly confidential Blackbriar had been leaked to the public, and Pamela Landy now sat across from her. She fidgeted in her seat, finally tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I just want to not be apart of this anymore."

"We both know it's not just that simple. I could've just had a mailman come and give you summons, Nicky. Instead, I came to you."

"I'm not an agent anymore."

"You were apart of this, whether you like it or not." She paused for a moment. "It seems you were even closer than any of us could've known, hm?"

Nicky froze, but didn't respond. "What do you need from me?"

"Just testimony." Pamela looked at her softly. "Understand I'm not threatening, I'm asking. I didn't mean that as a threat. But your testimony could help put those responsible behind bars. And since you're not with the agency anymore, as you have pointed out, the compensation would probably be more to your benefit." She rose her eyebrows for emphasis. Nicky relaxed and even smiled.

"Well you should've definitely started with 'compensation.'" She joked. "In all seriousness, though, I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you Nicky." She slid her card across the table to the young woman. "I'll talk to you soon, hopefully. Have a good night."

"You too Pam."

She took a few days to decide. She would sit in her kitchen, at her table, twirling the card between her finger tips. She would do other things of course, but at the end of the day, it was there, on her counter or dresser, staring at her, and finally after about a week, as the trial neared it's court date, she dialed the number.

"Pamela Landy."

"Pam? It's Nicky...i'll do it."

-----

2 weeks later it was done. The trial was nothing spectacular; she had been scared, however, as she was summoned and walked to her seat, feeling the eyes of Vossen on her at all times. She said what she had to though, and answered her questions truthfully, revealing her job, tasks and orders which were often carried out. She could see the judge frowning, shaking his head, and when she was released later that day from court, she practically raced out, never wanting anything to do with Blackbriar, or the CIA ever again. It had taken too much from her and gotten her almost killed too many times.

She wondered if maybe he was here. She would cast glances as she walked away, curious to see if he would be hidden in the shadows. There were no signs though, but a part of her felt easy knowing he really couldn't be that far away.

But who's to say he'd even care?

She sighed to herself and had let herself into her hotel room quickly. Usually she lived on the east coast, being a native of Virginia from birth, and lived in New York as an adult, now that the program had been shut down. As much as she had enjoyed Europe, she was happy to be back on US soil.

Sitting in her room, she decided on a whim to rummage through a box of old mementos she had brought with when she had gone to Europe. Having stopped in Washington for the trial en route from Paris, she had her most personal belongings closest to her.

Inside were pictures, locked inside boxes locked inside other boxes. They were pictures of family, friends, old boyfriends...old letters. Notes.

She picked up an old tattered photo of her and David, a few months before he disappeared for Blackbriar. They had been in Missouri, visiting his family. She smiled softly. He and her were off to the left, his brother standing next to them with his wife. His parents were in the middle and his sisters were on the other side. She remembered how hard it had been to get this picture and it still wasn't perfect; David was laughing, mouth wide open, she was smirking, one hand on his chest as he held her around the waist as his brother laughed from behind her. She didn't even remember what was so funny, but this was definitely one of her favorite pictures.

She focused on his mother, her eyebrows furrowing together. Agatha Webb was only 20 when she'd had David and his brother, now being only in her late 50's. Her husband had died 5 years after the picture was taken, after David had "died".

That's what they had told everyone, what even Nicky had believe for five years. That there had been a horrible car crash on his way to New York; the car had hydroplaned off the road in the mountains, falling down onto some rocks some 50 feet below and exploded into flames. Whatever had been left of him had been cremated and as far as Nicky knew, remained in the Webb's living room.

She had been close to Aggie after that, for awhile. Visiting, calling, writing letters. But after getting to Paris for "school"...she just didn't feel right, writing and not telling her that her son was alive and well.

Well. Not really; the persona of Jason Bourne had fully encompassed David Webb and taken him over. David was as good as dead to any of them.

Her forehead crinkled in thought as she set the picture back in the box and locked it. She had always felt bad about not talking to Aggie after that, especially now with David supposedly having his memory back.

She made a decision then, rising from her bed and making her way to her laptop. She was going to Missouri, if anything but to make sure Jason Bourne didn't give her a heart attack. Even if he didn't show, a mother deserved to know the truth about her son.

She just hoped she wasn't going to be too late.


	2. Chapter 2

Hi all! I would like to thank all of you who have reviewed, it means so, so much. Especially for those who have also reviewed my other story, Better Late. for the anonymous reviewer letting me know about the copy stuff, thank you, cause I edited some things so that it may be a little better. So thanks :)

Anyway...I only update when I've finished the next chapter, because I've never finished a story before and I really want to stop that :) So yeah, enjoy this and expect more to come. Thanks again you guys!

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David Webb walked the Champs Elysees, taking in the scenery although he had seen it many times before. He realized he enjoyed to people watch, for reasons other than to make sure he wasn't in danger. He found himself at the end of the famous road, after almost an hour of strolling, staring up at the tall apartment building in front of him. He opened the door and made his way to the first floor apartment where the landlord of the building lived.

It took a few tries, but suddenly an older woman emerged, looking very tight and irritated. "We have nothing available." She spoke it coldly, her french accent sharp as she moved to close the door.

"Wait, wait," He spoke. "I'm just looking for someone." He stuck his hand in his coat and retrieved a picture of Nicky, holding it up. "Um, an old friend of mine was a student here in the city, lived in the building. I was wondering if you could give me an idea of where she may be?"

"Obviously not that good of a friend," She retorted, looking at him with raised eyebrows. He rolled his eyes and realized this may be difficult. He pulled some folded bills from his pocket.

Her tone seemed to change. "She left, very abruptly. Going back to America, I suppose."

"Do you know where?"

She seemed clueless yet again, so he sighed and unfolded more bills. "I heard her on the phone, in the elevator. Talking to some woman named Pam, about a court date. I'm not sure, but I think she flew into the capital."

He shoved all the money he had out into her palm, more than she expected. "Thank you very much." He replied hurriedly, leaving the uptight woman flustered as he spun and left quickly.

Making his way to the street, he mumbled to himself. He had been wrong! He hated being wrong, hated to having to deviate from his plans. A part of Jason Bourne would always be with him, and the training he had endured as one of the CIA's assets would not soon go away.

It had taken him a few weeks to recover and then he had to get to Paris and do some searching to figure out exactly where Nicky had lived and when. It hadn't taken long, and he had looked forward to having a meeting with her. He didn't know why, but for some reason, her face was stuck in his head. He had to know why; Landy's face, Conklin, anyone else involved had not stuck with him like Nicky had. There had to be a reason.

He sighed, knowing he was going to have to go back to the states. It wasn't that it was hard to get in and out of the country; customs had been a breeze for him, like it always was. They had pretty much stopped tracking him, now that the program had been revealed to the public. But he had wasted time coming all the way over to Europe to end up empty handed.

_Or not, really._ He thought. _At least I know where she is now, for sure._

All he had to do was get there.

---

Kansas City International was nothing like she had experianced recently.

Nicky Parsons stepped off the plane and into the terminal, startled by the scarce amount of people walking around on a Saturday night. She supposed she was just used to the bigger and busier. This was the midwest, after all.

She made her way to the baggage claim quickly, then moved onto the car rental agency. The entire time, she thought about her day before, in DC, when Pam had shown up to take her for an impromptu luncheon, as she brought her the check for her cooperation.

A check that, by the way, would allow her to vacation for a while, at least until she got on her feet.

_They sat in the cafe, both eating their sandwiches and making small talk. Pam asked what Nicky would be up to next. She paused before responding._

_"Well," She began slowly. "I'm actually heading out, tomorrow. I'm taking a little trip."_

_Pam's eyebrows raised in curiousity at the girl's ambivalence. "Oh really? Where you going? Somewhere tropical, Florida maybe? Lay by the beach?" She smiled softly and Nicky smiled back._

_**Missouri is not what I would call tropical**, she thought. She shook her head. "No actually...I...I'm heading to Missouri. To see old friends."_

_Pam's face took on a diffent expression, one Nicky didn't really know how to explain. "Oh really? This...doesn't have anything to do with David, does it?"_

_Nicky didn't respond._

_"I'm not trying to pry..." Pam said, a way of almost apologizing. "I just thought you may need to talk about it."_

_Nicky's first instinct was to deny it, to act put off that Pam would suggest such a thing, but in the end she sighed. Pam wasn't looking for something she could use later on down the line, although Nicky knew it was always a possibility. Pam was just looking at her like a friend looks at a friend who may need to open up. And as much as she hated to admit it, Nicky needed to open up._

_"I was close to his mom, before he left. I stayed in contact with her until I joined Treadstone, and since this seems to be over...I just want to start talking to her again. And I want to get there before he does."_

_"You think he's still alive?"_

_Nicky glanced at her quizzically. "**You don't?**"_

The conversation had continued, as Nicky explained that Jason Bourne aka David Webb, showed up on his mother's doorstep, he may either give her a heart attack or find out things she didn't want him knowing. After studying the process they had used, she knew his memories of their lives before the program could return, but they wouldn't be crystal clear. It would be more like snippets of a life before, pieces of a puzzle they would have to put together along the way. Which is something she didn't want him doing at his mothers, who would be in enough shock. She didn't need him realizing what they had been, when they could never go back to that.

She began her long drive to the small town. Missouri was definitely not the most exciting state to drive through, with miles and miles of empty, flat pasture. But it was good for letting her mull over what she would do, what she would say when she saw Aggie, what she would do about any possible things that came up.

Like what she would do if Jason showed up. That was what she thought of the most.

-----

His plane had landed in DC at almost 5 am, yet he wasn't tired. He had slept most of the transatlantic flight with the help of sleeping pills that weren't even legal in the US. As he had stepped out of the terminal, he lowered his cap and walked through the already bustling crowd. He had known they weren't actively after him like they had usually been, but it couldn't hurt to be cautious.

He knew exactly where he was heading. He had hacked into a CIA system after getting into the US Embassy in Paris and figured it out easily. Landy's office was in the main building in Virginia and knew he would be there before she would.

Now, less than hour later, he was there, sitting on her sofa in the roomy office she had gotten through her promotion that came with uncovering the government scandal that was Blackbriar and Treadstone. Just thinking about the whole debacle was enough to make him chuckle to himself. Blackbriar was the root of everything wrong in so many lives, and while he remembered bits and pieces of everything, he needed someone to help put the pieces back together.

The door opened as the thought entered his mind and Landy strode in, coffee in one hand and a large purse like briefcase on her shoulder. She didn't see him as she immediately went to her desk and sat, head already down, reading something important. He made sure to check that she had closed the door securely before clearing his throat.

She jumped a few inches in her chair, before turning her attention to him with wide eyes. "David."

"Hello Pam."

"What are you doing here?"

"I heard Nicky came to visit you."

A look passed across her face quickly and he couldn't figure out what it was. "She was here, a few days ago." She conceded.

"Helping you with burying Blackbriar, it seems."

"Something I would assume you would be happy with." She shifted back in her seat, crossing her legs as she relaxed, realizing he wasnt't threat. "What do you want, David?"

"I want to know where Nicky is."

"Why?"

He was irritated and it showed, but he plowed on, nonetheless and undiscouraged. "Well, not that it's really your business, but I think she knows more about me than she let on."

"What makes you think that?"

Maybe it was the tone, or the brief shift in eye contact. But David Webb knew right then, that Pamela Landy knew _exactly _why Nicky was stuck in his mind. "I have a feeling you know."

"She went to Missouri. To visit your mother, actually." Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "You really don't remember?"

"Not everything," He began. "I mean, there are pictures and clips and her face jumps out at me much more than any of you. I figured she must know _something_. Why would she go see my mother?"

Pam waited a moment, wondering what to answer. "They sent her in response to the media coverage of the scadal," She lied. "Sort of a PR coverage; in case your family realized it was you...they wanted someone there to explain what was going on."

He decided he believed her. "And if they don't? I mean, Webb is a fairly popular name."

"Well. Then she's a buisness woman who leaves. Believe me, the agency doesn't need or want any more press about this. The more they can avoid, the better."

"And that's all you know?"

"That's all I know." Pam was watching him, gauging to see if he believed her. He seemed to as he rose from his seat, making his way to the door.

"Sorry I can't stay longer. Have to get out of here before it gets too busy." He said, his sense of humor and wit making an appearance. "Have a good day Pam."

And then, without another word, he was gone.

------

It was around 2 hours that Nicky drove, the drive passing easier than expected. She arrived in Nixa in late afternoon, the sun set right behind the towns watertower that stood in the middle, illuminating it's outline. She hadn't been to the town in almost 7 years, and hadn't even spoke to Aggie in five, but she would bet that the woman was at the diner down the road for dinner at the moment, just as she always had been since her husband had died.

She drove up to the diner, and through the glass could see the familiar older lady chatting with the waitress at the counter. Nicky recognized her, but couldn't place her name, knowing the diner that Aggie frequented had been family owned for it's entire existance and just assumed that woman was the owner. She smiled, seeing them laughing about something as both shared a pot of coffee. It wasn't busy in the restaurant, and Nicky knew walking in would probably get their attention.

She opened the door and the chime sounded, earning a look from the waitress but not one from Aggie, busy with conversation. The woman's eye's narrowed in recgnition of which she wasn't sure. She nudged Aggie and nodded toward Nicky who was strolling slowly toward the counter, her heart beginning to race. The waitress muttered something and Aggie turned, her eyes widening as she saw Nicky, who stopped.

"Well, as I live and breathe..." The older woman said. Nicky smiled.

"Hey Ags." She sighed, trying to sound casual. "It's been a long time."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Sorry it took SO long, but with the school year starting and everything, it's been really hard to write. I would like to thank everyone, I can't believe I'm getting the response I am so I really appreciate it. The next chapter shouldn't take so long, but with everything going on, who knows. Anyway. Thanks again...you guys are awesome :)

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Nicky and Aggie sat next to each other for hours that had seemed to pass like minutes. It had been years since either had spoken to the other and there was a lot to fill in. Aggie kept asking about Paris, about the art school, about living in Europe, and Nicky hated lying to her. But she made up stories of romantic nights under the Eiffel Tower and rides on double decker buses through London because she had decided to wait for a more intimate setting if she decided to tell her the truth.

Which was another decision Nicky had made along the way. She was not sure that she should tell the older woman about her son. How was it her place? To tell someone that their son, who they had loved and nurtured his entire life, had opted to lead a life of suspicion and death instead of staying around family and friends?

She had decided it wasn't at all her place. So this would be a week long visit, merely to see and visit, to reconnect after 5 years of being gone.

"So you enjoyed it. That's good to hear." Aggie finally said, as they rounded out the conversation. The owner was wiping down tables, the counter and telling them not to worry, but they didn't want to make her stay longer than she should.

"Yeah, it was...it was an experiance." She followed Aggie as she laid down a few dollars, and lifted herself off the stool. "What are you doing for the rest of the night?"

"Well, it's 9 o'clock and I'm an old woman now, Nicky. I'm going to bed." She replied, a playful smile on her face. Nicky grinned; she knew that Aggie never went to bed before 11.

"You are not old, Ags."

"I'm 56. I'm almost 60."

"Almost." She smiled, as they were now walking down the road in the night.

"Come back to the house with me. We can relax for the evening, watch some Leno maybe?" She paused. "You can see David."

Nicky froze; had he come here after all, before she had? Was Aggie going to be angry with her? Had Jason told her everything? Oh, _how she wished..._

But looking at Aggie, there was only saddness in her eyes at the mention of her son, and Nicky realized she meant his ashes, his urn upon the mantle, surrounded like a shrine with pictures, crosses, candles. She nodded.

"I would love to come over. I have my car, I can drive us."

"It's less than a mile to the house, though. And such a nice night." Aggie suggested. "I can give you a ride back up for your car when you need me to. You were going to stay the night, right?"

"No, I didn't just want to assume. I just got a hotel for a few nights."

"Why would you do that? Nicolette, I told you long ago, you are like one of my own, there is always a room at my home for you." She was near scolding the young woman and Nickey hid a smile. Aggie had always treated her like another of her children, and that comforted Nicky, as her own mother had died when she was merely a teenager.

"I already paid for the first two days. But if you insist I stay there until I leave, I'll come to the house then. Okay?"

"Fine." Aggie replied with a sniff, but the smile on her face reassured Nicky that she was merely joking.

The walk to the house was quick for it's length, and the two were talking as if the 5 years of silence had not even happened. Nicky couldn't help but wonder wistfully, as she entered the familiar home, what her life would've been like had David not gone to New York that September, so many years before.

_The sun was setting on the horizon, causing Nicky to squint into it. 7 o'clock was coming to soon, and she glanced at Aggie who's face remained sad yet strong. Nicky didn't know how she was going to bear it._

_Her glance caught David and his brother talking, making nervous jokes, both unsure about the seperation. As twins, they were each other's best friend, aside from their significant others, even at the age of 26. As he chuckled, he glanced up and caught her eye. He offered a shaky smile and tears filled her eyes against her will. David excused himself from his brother quickly and walked over._

_"Everything is going to be okay. We're flying into Virginia together."_

_"And then, you're driving off, in the middle of night. And..."_

_"And after I get back from deployment, after the exercise, I'll be back and we'll get on with our lives." He smiled softly at her and she smiled shakily back. His smile always made her feel better._

_She watched a few minutes later as Aggie cupped his face as she let one tear fall silently. His father clapped him on the shoulder, told him to keep his nose clean. His siblings followed and soon he and Nicky boarded the plane._

3 days later, in Virginia, she opened her apartment door to see Aggie and Ben standing before her, their faces ashen and sorrowful.

_"Nicky, dear," Ben began somberly. "We need you to sit down. We have some...some bad news."_

Standing now in the Webb living room, in front of an unknown man's ashes, Nicky closed her eyes against the memory. She didn't know how she could ever forgive him for that lie.

-----

Jason Bourne strolled off the plane at 10 o'clock that night. The airport around him was vaguely familiar, and as he caught the sight of Terminal 23, a sharp pain stabbed at his head and he almost fell to his knee, clutching his temple. A man walking beside him asked him if he was okay, and he responded almost inaudibly with a yes, but quickly took a seat around him.

_A woman's face, blonde hair with grey streaks, her face sad yet strong. He knew the face now, as he felt her hand grace his cheekbone, peck him lightly on the cheek._

_An older man, partially balding with prominent girth, telling him to take care._

_A younger man with a strong resemblance to himself, giving him a tight hug, telling him to come home safe. Two younger girls following, hugging him as well._

_And then **her** face again, sad but sure._

He blinked again, blurred vision becoming clear. His family. At the airport.

Why was Nicky with them?

The question ran through his mind as he went through the motions of moving through the airport, getting a car, preparing for the 3 hour drive as the question repeated itself in his mind.

Who was Nicky Parsons to his family? Who was Nicky Parsons, _to him_?

------

The next morning, around 11 am, Jason Bourne awoke in a hotel room in the small town. He had gotten in late, at almost 2 am and gone to the first place with a vacancy sign, close into town.

He had had too much time to think of everything the night before. His family came into his mind and he realized a desire that he had not yet felt before. He wanted to see them again; he was just not used to missing them, as he had-_ashamedly enough_-forgotten them.

His mother's face stood out in his mind more often now than anyone else. He didn't remember events, but he strangely enough remembered a feeling of her, of knowing her worry and fear for him, and her love.

He realized he had missed her all along.

He had shaken it away later, his focus turning back to Nicky knowing he would see his mother again soon in due time. He wanted Nicky to explain herself; he now thought he knew how she worked into the picture.

As he dressed and traveled down the hall for breakfast, he was careful to put on a ball cap and some sunglasses. He knew it was a small town; he didn't want to be noticed, since he had grown up there.

As he walked outside, a light drizzle fell but the rumble of his stomach drew him forward and he kept up at a steady pace. He would glance around, noting the empty streets and signs of a lazy weekday afternoon.

He strolled to the small shop around the corner, his fingertips reaching the door as he saw Nicky, jogging across the street and into the small park a short walk away. His appetite vanished.

He quickly followed, making sure to make himself unnoticable. The last thing he needed right now was to get arrested for stalking some woman.

While he no longer considered himself Jason Bourne, the prized asset of the CIA, he didn't forget his training, something that he had been pressed with so much that it had become instinct. He walked quickly between the trees, his eyes on her at all times as he worked to stay silent.

He saw the running path curve about 75 feet before heading out into the small town again and he decided to cut her off. He counted the seconds before he expected her to round it and found himself standing on the path as he heard her approaching.

She stopped suddenly, her face dropping and turning from it's flushed, red and sweaty appearance to pure white, and for a moment, he worried she would pass out. When she didn't, and merely removed her ear buds, his face turned serious and dark.

"Hello Nicky. I think we have a lot to talk about."


	4. Chapter 4

I would like to again, thank you all for the awesome reviews. It's really supportive and very motivating to get things done, knowing that there are people who are reading...so here's the next chapter...hoping it's to your liking :) Take it easy everybody, hope you enjoy.

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Nicky had always looked forward to her morning jogs. It was the time of the day she dedicated solely to herself, where she could put her head phones on and just go. She would match her breathing to her steps to the sounds of 70's and 80's rock.

_In, In, Out...In, In, Out..._

When she entered the small park in the morning, she felt almost as if someone was watching her, but a slight turn of her head and a look out of the peripheral of her eye revealed nothing. A couple short minutes passed and she rounded curve after curve, until she came near the end of the park.

_In, In, Out..._she thought, breathing calmly, thinking about the day in front of her. Aggie and her were driving to Columbia, a few hours away, for some outlet shopping with the youngest of the Webb family. After that...who knew.

She rounded the last curve, her mind serene and worry free when _he_ stepped out.

She stopped. There was no more thoughts of correct breathing in her mind; the order was just to keep breathing.

Blood that had been racing warm around her body turned to ice. She felt her flushed, sweaty skin cool as well, felt fear grasp her heart before reminding herself once more to breathe. Forcing herself to remain calm, she removed her ear buds and Jason's face grew serious.

"Hello Nicky. I think we have a lot to talk about."

She paused, waiting for more, but he shifted his feet and stared at her. She licked her lips and spoke. "I was wondering if you were going to show up."

"Is that all you have to say to me?" He asked. He decided to get down to it. "Pam told me why you came here."

Her mind began to race. _Pam had told him? Told him **everything?**_ She felt as if her heart were going to explode in her chest, as a burning overtook it as she forgot to breathe. Yet, while she seemed to be screaming inside, her exterior remained placid. "I don't know what---"

"You came to see my family, Nicky. To be the Agency's PR representative." He spat out. "I thought you were done being an agent."

She let out a breath. Pam had not told him what she had thought she had. "Well, it was part of the deal I struck..."

"And it probably helped...since you knew them before any of this ever happened."

She froze and was no longer putting up a front. He saw her panic and instinct told him he was traveling the right path. He began to circle her, his blood rising with every step. Anger overtook him, and although he had stated weeks before that he was no longer Jason Bourne, he could feel the personality over taking him. He was going to get answers.

"I saw you," He said. "I remembered. The airport, before I left. You were there...with my family!" He said sternly. She began to back away, her eyes growing wide. He was beginning to scare her, the look in his eyes all too familiar; one that brought back images of a crowded, stuffy train station, the cold metal of a gun at her temple, her pleas of mercy. She closed her eyes, hoping he'd stop.

"Jason..."

"You were the one who recruited me, weren't you?" He demanded, suddenly grabbing her upper arm roughly. "You're the reason I became what I did, aren't you?" She blinked in confusion.

_That was the conclusion he had come to?_

She almost sputtered, but caught herself and calmly replied to his accusation. "What exactly," She asked, jerking her arm away. "Do you remember?"

"Just...the airport. My family." He squinted. "And then you were there."

"And you assumed I was the one who persuaded you to leave your home? You are _such_ a piece of work..." She muttered the last part low, so low he couldn't hear. His eye's squinted.

"Excuse me?" He asked. She sighed exasperatedly.

"I wasn't the one who introduced you to Blackbriar, Jason. I had nothing to do with that." She began to put her head phones back on, ready to resume her run. She was angry, that of all people, he would think she was the one responsible for leading him to the program. She saw his eye squint in confusion, as her tone made it clear that it wasn't her that had been responsible for his participation in Blackbriar.

She realized the threat was gone; the Bourne side of him was fading and David's demeanor began to resurface, giving her a certain courage to be more stern and, as childish as it may have been, nasty with him. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a shopping date with Aggie and Abby." His look of curiosity made her realize he wasn't actually remembering anything substantial, or informative. It was merely pictures or pieces of a life long past. She sighed. "Your mother and youngest sister, Jason."

"Why are you here with my family? How do you...?"

She smirked at him. "Well, since you seem so smart, I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out." She had started to jog past and was a few feet in front of him, so she turned, slowly jogging backwards. "And then, well. You'll know everything, won't you?"

-----

Hot water rained down hard on Nicky's face, matching the intense anger inside of her.

**How dare he accuse her of that!**

Although, when she calmed down and thought about it, there was really no way Jason could have known the truth. It was more understandable that he would come to that conclusion.

She finished her shower, stepping out with a quick glance at the clock. She had only 15 minutes before she was to meet up with Aggie and head out on their day of shopping and there was no way she could let on how shaken she was.

She shook her head with the thought of Aggie. How could Nicky see her today, knowing Jason was in town, knowing what the next few days would bring, and _lie_? How could she pretend nothing was wrong? Throwing her hair up in a wet ponytail, she grabbed her purse and threw on a jacket before heading out the door. The day was sure to be an interesting one.

Across town, Jason had made his way to the town's library, the only place within a 50 mile radius where he thought he'd get some actual answers.

His mind had muddled; _how else did Nicky fit into the picture?_

And then there was his family. Her association with them proved that he knew nothing about them-not even their names, or remotely what they were like. And that made him feel horrible inside.

He jogged up the steps, pulling a black cap further down his face to hide it in case anyone in the small town was to recognize him. He didn't need something like that happening to him before he could get this all straightened out.

The library was quiet and mostly empty during the afternoon, a bored teenager smacking on her gum as she flipped her pencil over and over. He walked over to the desk.

"Hi...where are your computers?" He asked. "Your...microfiche and stuff?"

She boredly looked at him and pointed in the direction of where he needed. He nodded and headed toward the stairway, which ended up being darker and narrow. When he reached the second floor, he headed toward the small area of computers. There was no one else around and Bourne easily settled into the seat with a sigh.

He pulled up a search engine for the library's database, and prepared to search local journals and newspapers. He stopped, his fingertips above the keys for a hesitant moment before typing out his name, in quotations.

Hundreds of results popped up, but it was only the first few that were relevant to what he needed. He clicked on the link, and a dated picture of him popped up, with blurbs about his life, his family.

His obituary.

His stomach churned; _they thought he was dead?_ They thought...he was dead.

How do you show up on someone's doorstep and say "Surprise! Not dead!"?

_You can't, _his mind answered.

He sighed and moved backward, selecting the next link. There, he saw a picture of the woman from his skewed memory, the older man, the younger one who resembled him. The two younger girls. They were sitting, on a porch. The older woman had a baby in her lap, the younger man had a younger woman next to him and no one was smiling.

He read the article, his chest tightening. It was about his family, about the rigors and trials of the life of a military family. Of having lost a young man, after he survived so much already. A human interest piece really, less than a page but it made his heart clench. What had he done? Had he really chosen this life over the things he could've had? Did he have a wife, a girlfriend? Did he have kids?

_Why_ had he chosen like he did?

He spent a few more hours, sifting through microfiche and online documents, catching up on the histories of his family, the things he had missed throughout the years. His brother was Danny; his sisters were Ellie and Abby. His father, Ben, had died in the years he'd been gone.

Little tidbits about family life, generalities that almost everyone should know. His brother and his wife had had 2 more children in the last decade, Ellie had gotten married and had a child. Abby had graduated high school with honors and gone on to college.

For hours, he poured over wedding announcements, birth announcements, obits, articles, any little snippet of information he could hack into. He had to suppress the shame of having to discover the information of his family so formally, yet it was the only source of information he had. He couldn't remember anything else.

"Is that you?"

He hadn't even heard the girl come up behind him, and didn't see her face as he quickly closed the window. It was the girl from earlier, at the desk as he came in. Her eyes were wide.

"No...no, I'm just...doing a piece. I'm a journalist."

"Why?"

"I don't know why they assign me pieces, I just write them." He remarked back.

"You look just like Mr. Webb." The girl replied. Jason straightened.

"Danny?"

She nodded.

"You know Danny?" He asked again. She nodded once more.

"I've lived down the block from Ms. Aggie for years. My mom dated him in high school, they're still friends. He visits when he comes into town." She stared at him skeptically. "You should go. It's almost closing time."

"Thanks." He replied. He left without looking back, but could feel her eyes on him. He knew he didn't have much time before someone figured him out, which meant he had two options; fight or flight.

There was no question which one he would pick.

-----

Nicky returned back to the hotel after a late dinner with Aggie and Abby, and now it was almost 9. She returned to her room, throwing her bags down and deciding to turn in relatively early, so she could check out early and head to the Webb's household. Abby was going to stay for the weekend and Aggie had called Danny and Elle to come see her while she was in town. She had objected at first, knowing that with Jason being in town as well, that could cause problems, but Aggie had insisted and both had agreed to make it down not the next day, Friday, but maybe Saturday. Nicky decided it would be nice to see them.

She entered her room, and almost yelped in surprise. In the armchair next to her bed, he sat there, his fingers on his lips thoughtfully. She closed the door behind her.

"What are you doing here?"

"I figure, I have two choices." He started talking, not even looking at her and not answering her question. "I can disappear. I'm pretty good at it, and it may just be the more simple, safer thing to do."

She decided to bite. "Or?"

"Or," He sighed and pushed himself up out of the armchair. "Or I can stay. I can see them again. Can I? Or will that make a mess of everything?"

"Everything's already a mess, Jason."

"And then there's you." He started toward her, not even acknowleding her reply. She began backing up with every step he took, unsure of his intention, but positive of the look in his eyes as one of determination. "You...are everywhere, with them. And there are two possibilities to who you are, in my mind, and both are...ridiculous. I've thought them over, and as far fetched as they are, I've decided those are it. But..." He trailed off, only an arms length away as her back was against the wall.

Her breathing had grown deeper and her heart began to race. "But?"

"There's only one way to find out for sure."

He leaned in quickly and kissed her, full on the mouth without any other warning and she couldn't fight it. Everything in her wanted this, had wanted it when she hadn't even realized it and she leaned in as well, kissing back for a few seconds before the kiss ended and he pulled back. She stood still for a moment, eyes closed, still in the past as her lips tingled.

"Oh god." It was barely a whisper and it was all he could say as the kiss triggered a feeling inside of him. An image popped in his mind of her, laughing, pushing him, playfully kissing him. He was _right_. "Oh god. How did I ever forget you?" He breathed, more to himself.

That broke her out of her reverie and jerked her back to reality. She stiffened and moved a few paces away from him, her stand suddenly harsh and stiff. He could tell she had let her guard down for a moment, for one moment, let him back into her world in a way he hadn't been involved in it in 10 years and she was embarrassed, hurt.

**_Pissed _off**. He swallowed, awaiting her answer. She took a deep breath, her brown eyes calm, trying to remain uncaring as she tried to steady her voice as much as possible as she opened her mouth.

"I don't know. How did you?"

-----


	5. Chapter 5

AN: So I love all of you reviewers...you're making my day with every review. This is the long awaited chapter, and I must say, if you enjoy the angst, there's plenty in this chapter. Although I tried to keep it out, it didn't really work, but I guess that's what fanfiction is all about, eh? I hope some of you don't mind all the dramatics, I really did try to mellow it out, and I actually think it turned out pretty well. I hope you enjoy:)

BTW, the song lyrics in italics are credited toward a band by the name of **_Straylight Run_** and the song is called--"Mistakes We Knew We Were Making". I bet you didn't see that coming did you? haha jk. I hope you all enjoy though. :)

* * *

_And all our sins,  
Come back to haunt us in the end,  
To hang around and tap us on the shoulder,  
And smile silent,  
It's all implied,  
You'll die trying to live this down,  
You might as well forget it_

"I don't know. How could you?"

He wanted to look at her, but her eyes held such anger that he couldn't hold her gaze for long. "Don't get mad, Nicky."

"Don't get mad? Don't get mad. Wow. Rich, Jason." She scoffed, turning to leave.

"Wait."

She paused, and her eyes closed tightly as she swallowed. She couldn't say no. "What?"

"I need your help."

"My help? With what?" She turned back, looking at him. He was sitting on the bed, elbows on his knees as he gazed at her.

"I want to see them."

"You don't need my help for that."

"But the sad part is I do. I really do, and the fact that I don't remember my own family hardly at all? The fact that I need you because you're closer to them than I am, that you know them better than I do? It's crap Nicky, and I hate it, but it's all I have. And there are people that are gonna start seeing me around. The girl at the library today saw me, and said I looked like Danny...words gonna get back to her. And I can either leave, make it a rumor, or I can stay and see them again. And I think that's what I want. I know that's...I want to see them, Nicky."

"And you want me to help you." She licked her lips.

He just looked at her, gazed into her eyes, questioning. "Yes. You know them, they trust you..."

Not after this they won't." She paused and finally nodded. "But you showing up out of the blue won't help."

"So you'll help me?"

"For Aggie, I will." She replied quickly. "But it doesn't mean anything else."

"What else would it mean?"

She shook her head, holding back a snort. He knew exactly what she meant; she could see it in his face. She decided to change the subject. "Look, I'm gonna get changed, relaxed. If you want to talk it over, figure out the game plan or whatever...we can do it."

"Thank you." He smiled, a cautious, shy grin, so characteristic of David Webb and her heart leapt.

"Anything for Aggie."

"Um..." He got up, gesturing toward the door. "I'm gonna do the same, get a quick shower, maybe grab some quick take out down the street. You want anything?"

"No, I ate earlier. With them." She responded, matter of factly. He nodded.

"Well, I'll be back later then. If it's okay." He responded. She nodded, and he went leave. He stopped with the door open and turned back to her. "Were we...were we happy?"

A lump formed in her throat, almost choking her response. "I thought we were. I was."

The insinuation hung in the air and he was at a loss for words. He merely nodded his head and let himself go. Nicky's head fell into her hands.

"Oh, god..." She sighed. "Oh god, what now?"

---------

Almost an hour later, Jason arrived back at the hotel. The older man at the front desk nodded a greeting with a smile and Jason tipped his cap back. The midwest of the United States was so different than most other places; people were more cordial and welcoming than most other places. He couldn't help thinking that it must've been a nice place to grow up.

His bag of Chinese take out was warm at his side. He got out of the elevator and walked to Nicky's room, taking a moment to breathe and calm down. Everything that had happened in the ast hour was overwhelming. He had thought about it all day after the library, as he sat in Nicky's room, wandering around. He came to two conclusions. Nicky was either just an acquaintance, maybe even family, or a girlfriend. And something inside him...something told him it was the latter.

And then he had kissed her. That had probably not been the smartest move.

He knocked, shaking the thoughts from his mind. It took her a few moments to answer. Her hair hung in wet strands around her face and she wore night shorts and a tank top. He breathed in sharply; he'd never seen her so casual, dressed down. _She is really beautiful._

"Come on in."

"Thanks." He entered and she closed the door behind him.

"Look, let's do this quick, cause I need to get to bed. I told your mom," She caught herself, not used to saying it like that. She began again. "I told Aggie I'd be over early, for breakfast. Abby came back with us, and is staying the weekend, but planning on hanging out with some high school friends later, so I told her I'd be over early..."

She was rambling. _Dammit._ She always rambled when she got nervous.

"It's good, it won't take long." He reassured. "Is it okay if I eat?"

"Yeah, sure."

"I got an extra fortune cookie, in case you wanted one." He offered. She smiled slightly, and nodded her thanks as she took it.

"Okay, let's get down to it."

They approached it like a mission, sticking to the military relationship they had had in the past few years. He couldn't help note she kept calling him "Jason" and not "David." His mother was not going to call him Jason; no one would. And he wasn't Jason anymore. Yet, she kept talking to him as if he was.

"So, when Abby's gone, your mom and I are going to go grocery shopping. While we're away, you get in the house, familiarize yourself-I'll leave the door unlocked-so you don't seem completely clueless. That might hurt her more." She bit her lip thoughtfully. "Then, when we're putting everything away, I'll make some tea or something, we'll sit down, and I'll tell her where I really was in Europe, that I worked for the government, and what I did. What it was. And then..." She faded off.

"Then you'll tell her I'm alive, that I was apart of this...thing. That I forgot...everything." He almost whispered the last sentence, himself not wanting it to be true. "Don't tell her details though, that's not your burden to bear."

"She'll be angry. I mean, Aggie's such a sweet lady, but if you make her mad, or mess with her family...and believe me, this falls into both categories...she can be pretty mean."

He smirked. "I know."

Nicky's eyes went wide. "You know?"

"I remember some things. This town...it's familiar, but not, if that makes any sense. Ever since I got here, little things...I remember little things. Feelings, more than anything." He paused, wondering if he should say what he wanted to next. He decided to. "That's how I knew about...me and you."

"Jason---"

"What did they do, exactly?" He asked, curious. "I mean, you were eventually apart of 'reprogramming' agents," He remarked bitterly, still angry with the reconstruction of his mind. "So what did they do that made me forget my entire life?"

"Various experiments. They weren't sure what would work."

"So I was a guinea pig?"

"Well, sort of. But they knew the experiments wouldn't kill you. They wouldn't have taken that chance." As his questioningly glance, she smirked. "You really don't remember everything." She whispered wonderingly.

"I think we've already established that a few times already."

"Don't be short with me." She reprimanded. "I don't have to tell you anything." He licked his lips and shot her scathing look, but said nothing so she continued. "You were their prized prototype. The best of the best. A supreme marine in the Gulf War when you were only 19 years old, climbed through the ranks with nearly perfect scores, a perfect physical specimen and on top of it, unlike so many others that went into the military because they couldn't get into college, you were smart. Like, 10th percentile smart."

He noted that she spoke almost reverently of him, as if she were still proud to have once called him hers. He smiled, and she didn't notice. She continued.

"So, they broke you down. But it was all voluntary. You had to agree to it beforehand. And you did. You even thanked them."

"What?"

"You thanked them, as they gave you the new identity. You _thanked_ them." She repeated it, as if she couldn't believe it was true.

"How do you know that?"

"After I met you, for the first time, and I realized who you were, then they had me go through their survellience videos of your reprogramming." She was delivering all the information very straight faced; Jason couldn't tell her voice was on the edge of tearful, that it was only a fraction from shaking. Her face was stoic as she continued. "And you said _thank you_."

"I..." He faded off. He didn't know how to answer it. He remembered some of the process, but the details of that 72 hours was still muddled in his mind. But he knew he had been asked, been told to choose, and he had chosen that path. He opened his mouth to speak.

"Never mind, Jason." She cut him off. "I have to get to bed though, so if you don't mind..."

"Why won't you call me David?" He asked, as he got up to leave. She froze, but he continued to clean up his food. "I mean, you keep calling me Jason, and while some aspects of him are still apart of me...I'm not him, Nicky."

"You are." She whispered, now unable to keep a certain thickness from her voice. "The day I walked into that room, and saw you and you...there was nothing. Then I saw that tape, I heard you say thank you...I saw the files of all the people you..." She stopped, shaking her head. "You stopped being my David when you got into that car and drove off."

"Nicky..."

"Leave, Jason. Please."

Her back was toward him, and she wouldn't turn for the tears in her eyes. He waited a moment, but realized that this wasn't the time for this. He let himself out and she was able to keep her composure, but was sure the next few days would bring enough tears to last her a lifetime.

------

The drive back from the grocery store seemed to zip by in an instant.

Actually, the entire day seemed to go by in a blink.

Nicky had gone over early to the Webb household for breakfast with Aggie and her daughter, before Abby had to head out for the afternoon with old high school friends. Her visit had been short notice, with Nicky coming to town so suddenly and they wanted to spend the time they could before her other siblings came to town. None of them had any idea what was about to take place and rock the foundations of the family's being.

They stood in the kitchen and Nicky felt horrible as Aggie chatted on and on gleefully about anything she could think of; it was obvious she was just in the best mood about everyone being there that weekend, like something had finally fallen back into place.

Since there were only a few groceries, Nicky excused herself to the bathroom as Aggie said she'd heat some tea up. She ran upstairs, to the bathroom on the second floor and let herself into what had once been David's room.

Jason sat there, on his old bed, staring at a picture frame of he and his brother. Raw emotion showed in his eyes.

"I can't remember this." He whispered, sensing her prescence. "I mean, it's me. But I don't...remember."

She didn't know how to respond to it and he seemed to just be saying it, as fact. "I wanted to make sure you were here."

"Well, I am." He replied without looking up. "Did you do it yet?"

"No, I'm...i'm about to. I wanted to let you know."

"Thanks."

She watched him, his body prone and stiff, hunched over as if illustrating the epitome of his sorrows and for a few moments, she felt the urge to go to him, put her arms around his shoulders and tell him, _everything will be alright._

But she couldn't do that, if not for the only reason that she did not know if it would be alright, among others.

"Well, she and I are sitting down for tea. So yeah." Nicky shrugged. "I feel like this should be more formal..."

"This is the plan. We stick to the plan Nicky, we always do." He muttered, again not looking up. She nodded.

"I'll see you soon then."

She drew backwards, closing the door to a crack, before heading back down the stairs. Aggie sat on the couch, the tv on a news channel, waiting contentedly. Nicky sighed; this was it.

"Hey, Ags? I...I need to talk to you about something."

The older woman turned, and her face became worried at the sight of Nicky. "Hon, what is it? You look like you just swallowed a bug or something..."

"I..." She rounded the sofa and sat caddy corner to the woman. "I lied to you, about Paris." She licked her lips as Aggie's face remained unchanged. "I wasn't there for art school."

"Then...what were you there for?"

There was a pause, then a deep breath. "I was there with the Agency."

"You still worked for the government?" Aggie's eyebrow rose. "There's nothing wrong with that...why would you ever lie...?"

"Tell me. Have you heard of anything the past couple of weeks having to do with a secret operation called Blackbriar or Treadstone? It's been in the news a little..."

Aggie's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "N-no...You know I don't really watch too much news hon. Too many depressing things happening in the world..."

"Well. These operations, they were top secret, many in the government didn't even know about them. And I was the one who...oversaw some of the participants in the program." She swallowed with another pause, trying to figure out how to articulate the information next. She continued. "These participants, these agents, they were assassins. They sought out those some government officials deemed a threat and...disposed, of them."

Aggie's face turned aghast. "They killed them? You worked in a program that..."

"We were told that these people were real threats to our country, and while we should go about the rules, sometimes there's really no time for that." Nicky was defensive, and suddenly realized how Jason may have felt when this all came out. He was lied to, and he must have felt a sense of betrayal from all those around him. She could understand the anger. "I couldn't have told you any of this. They would've known; we were all tapped. It would've put you in danger, all of the family. Please, please remember that."

"What does this have to do with our family, Nicky?" Aggie asked, a quizzical smile on her face. "You really don't have to tell me all of this..."

"But I do." Nicky said in a low voice. "The men I counseled...I always thought they had families somewhere. Before I started, I mean. Once I did, I realized most of them didn't even remember their other lives. They underwent certain measures to secure a new identity for the men, make them forget those lives, wiping the slate clean somewhat."

"Why are you telling me all of this?"

"Because..." Nicky began to grow hot in the face, her palms grew clammy. "The first man I ever helped, was Jason Bourne. He was their best asset, the best agent. But like all agents, all humans, he often had to be talked to, had to have psycho-analysis done." Her throat became thick. "Aggie, I didn't know who he really was until I walked in the room, I swear to God..."

"I don't understand." Aggie shook her head.

"Aggie, when I walked in that room, to meet him, I hadn't been informed about him at all. I think the program did it to test me, but when I walked in..." Nicky got to the sentence she had been dreading, the one she had imagined saying for so long and was finally ready to let out. "Aggie, it was David."

Milliseconds felt like an eternity. Aggie's face went sheet white, her eyes went wide, then narrowed.

"That's impossible, Nicky. David is dead."

"I know this is hard to believe..."

Aggie scoffed. "It's impossible to believe, Nicolette. People do not come back from the dead, and I assure you, that David is up on that mantle right now. He's not alive."

"That's not David, Aggie." She said softly. Aggie didn't stop.

"I mean, the way you say this, he would've chosen this lifestyle. He would never do that, my David, he would never, ever..."

"He did, Aggie. He went to the training, he signed the papers, I've seen them myself..."

"How could you ever accuse him of something like that?" Aggie, a smart woman, was unrelenting in her denial. It was understandable, of course, but her voice seemed to be rising, her irritation growing, but Nicky could see through the anger. She believed her, on some level, or at least wanted to. "You slander his name by just saying he would do something like that..."

"Aggie," Nicky rose, meeting the woman's eyes. "I swear to you, on everything I believe, that I know, in every God, on my own dead mother, this is true. I of all people would never make this up to you."

Tears filled the older womans eyes. "So...oh God. You're sure? He's alive?"

"Yes."

She sighed heavily, shakily. She bent her head for a moment, maintaining composure. Nicky watched her, pleased with how calmly it was going. According to the plan, the could sit down soon, and Nicky could inform her why she brought it up now, that he was actually there. Hopefully it wouldn't be like one of those corny reality shows. She expected Aggie to look up, to calmly ask for details.

Unfortunatly, Aggie never had been predicatable.

"So let me get this straight." She stated, head still down and voice eerily calm. She rose her eyes to Nicky, which were burning with anger, and her head followed. "You've known, for 5 years, that he was alive and you didn't have the decency to pick up the god damn phone?"

"Aggie, it wouldn't have been that simple..."

"It's very simple." Her voice was rising. "Just to let us know, he was out there. Hell, there's an urn with a strangers ashes on my mantle, and my son is God knows where..."

"That's why I came though, I came to tell you, now that the operation has been terminated and he's free of it..."

"And yet, you've been here 3 days and this is the first time you've mentioned this." Her hands were balled into fists and her voice was at a high level now. Nicky began to get nervous; she knew Aggie would never hit her, but the anger alone was intimidating.

"Well, Ags, I didn't...I mean, I was going to, but with not knowing where he was for sure, I didn't want to give you hope without being able to see him...and then, it wasn't really my place..."

"Wasn't your place? Nicolette, you were his girlfriend of two years, you worked with him in this secret...whatever it was. If it wasn't your place, I'd love to know who you thought would suit the position best." She spat.

"Don't yell at her."

His voice came from behind Agatha very clear and sharply from where he stood 3 steps up on the stairwell. Aggie's posture went rigid, and if it was possible, she turned even whiter.

"Oh god...Oh god..."

Nicky quickly grabbed the older woman by the wrist to gently steady her as Jason made his way down the following steps. Aggie kept muttering the words over and over again, like a prayer for it to not just be a dream. "Oh god, Oh god..."

Soon he was behind them both, and Nicky was looking into his sorrowful eyes for encouragement. It was amazing, seeing them flicker between those of David's and Jason's, like two souls fighting for the right to inhabit one body. She nodded and he continued.

"You know, if it was anyone's responsibility, if it was anyone's place, it was mine." He said gently. "This is not Nicky's fault. If you're going to be mad at someone, make sure it's me."

Aggie began to turn, slowly, as if wanting to draw the moment out and soak it in, but it only took moments to turn a half circle. As soon as she saw his face, Nicky seriously worried the woman would have a heart attack or stroke.

The older womans knees buckled and while Nicky went to reach for her, it was Jason that caught her first and drew her in as she began to sob. She whispered the words between tears still, mixtures of "Oh god's" and "David's" and Nicky could only watch as she clung to him. He looked almost out of sorts, as if unsure of what to do at first, so he merely held her and he lowered the both of them onto the couch. Uncomfortable for watching the reunited pair, Nicky decided to back away.

He had deviated from the plan.

They never deviated from the plan, once one was determined. Even after he had gone rogue, he had his own plan and he followed it, unwaveringly. But this...this had been his plan and he hadn't waited like he should have. Granted, Aggie was getting near hysterical, too much for Nicky to handle but still.

As she backed into the kitchen and to the table out of sight, she noticed Jason give into the embrace. He began to rub her back, making hushing sounds.

"I'm sorry..." He whispered, almost too softly for her to overhear. "I'm so, so sorry..."

The last thing Nicky saw before disappearing behind the wall was Aggie pull back and look at him and in that moment, as his mother caressed his face and he closed his eyes, there was nothing to hide David behind Jason Bourne. He really wasn't all of Jason anymore.

The realization came hard, and Nicky barely got to sit down before the tears spilled over.

_Still I'm convinced,  
Wondering what if is the worst thing there is..._


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Hey all. I've kind of been side-tracked lately, with school and social stuff and work, and writing has been one of those things I do when I have time and the mood strikes me right, so I hope the chapter's good and you all enjoy it...other than that, thanks for reading and I'll try and get another chapter up sooner than this one:)

* * *

Nicky sat at the table, waiting. It had been almost an hour since she had left Jason and his mother in the privacy of the living room. She had made some coffee and been sipping it while she thumbed through an old issue of People magazine. That was when Jason entered the kitchen.

She sat up straight, closing the magazine. "Hey."

He sighed a reply, inaudible to her. He sat down across from her.

"That bad?" She asked.

"Not...bad. Just weird. Hard."

"It's to be expected." Nicky conceded. "How are you?"

"I've been better. She just...she stopped crying, but there were so many questions I couldn't answer. I just feel so...useless."

"You're not useless, Jason."

"She keeps asking me these questions. Why did I leave, Why did I do all these things and I don't have the answers Nic. And...then she's just happy I'm here, and I feel so bad at making her feel like this..."

"But you're back, and no matter how she has felt, you have no idea how happy she is right now and you made her feel like that. Just be who you can be, the rest of it will come back to you."

"Marie used to say something like that, when I'd try and force it."

Nicky fell silent. Ah, yes. _Marie._

Jason realized his faux pas and figured he should probably change the subject, although there was no doubt they would come back to her later. "Um, so...she wanted to talk to you."

"Your mom?" He nodded. "Okay." She rose with her reply.

"She just wants to apologize. I'm gonna be in the living room, watch some news or something." He shrugged. "She's upstairs though...I think she said something about calling Dan or someone."

"I'll head up. Thanks Jason." She put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. He was going to watch TV, try and settle down, but she could see the anxiety in his face, the worry. "Hey. This is all gonna go okay, okay? You always get through things okay."

"Yeah, well, broken hearts aren't healed as easy as bullet wounds. But thank you for being here. I don't mean to be negative, but it's hard, and I couldn't do it without you."

It was a moment, almost. She was standing in front of him, less than a foot away, looking up at him. He could smell the vanilla and lavender from her skin, and he wanted to brush her hair back but he didn't. He just stepped back, out of her way, and she headed upstairs. The moment was gone.

-----

Agatha Webb had experienced her share of death in her life.

When she was 8, her dog Bess was hit by a truck on an old dirt road in front of their home. Her mother had died when she was 22, from cancer and her father soon after that. Her husband, David's father, had died only 3 years after David, in his sleep, of a heart attack that she witnessed horrifically. No, death was not a kind stranger but a wicked, familiar thing.

But David was alive, and death was undone. But it wasn't possible, life couldn't be given back. In this case, she supposed it was merely the facade of death that was undone.

"H'lo?"

The masculine voice that answered her call sounded bored, almost tired. "Danny?" She asked.

"Hey mom." It immediately turned a little more upbeat. "Hey I think we were gonna head out around 6 tonight and just get there early. Is that okay? That way we don't have to get the kids up so early tomorrow. You know how Kelly is when she is woken up before she's ready."

"Yeah...yes. Well...that means you were gonna leave pretty soon then...I mean, it's almost 6 now."

"Yeah, yeah." A few hours away, his eyebrows furrowed. "Is that okay, mom? Is everything alright? It sounds like something's wrong."

"Um..." She cleared her throat. "Danny, something...did happen. Someone...came over here today."

His entire demeanor changed. "Mom, what's wrong? Did someone break into the house? Are you okay?"

"I'm wonderful, Danny...it's just...Nicky told me something...she brought someone with her."

"I don't..."

"Your brother's alive, Danny." She didn't really know how else to present it, how else to lay it out. She would've rather waited until he got there, so she could sit him down, explain it the minimal amount she could, but with him coming tonight, and David being at the home...it was easier like this. "David. He's here, Danny, and he's alive."

----

Nicky approached the older woman's room, the door opened a sliver. She could hear Agatha's teary voice on the phone, probably explaining the situation. She let herself in quietly and Aggie acknowledged her presence with a warm smile.

Well, she thought to herself. At least she doesn't hate me.

"...yes Elle, Dan's coming in tonight...you don't have to get an earlier flight...well, he'll still...okay, okay, but don't expect much from him okay? There's a lot he doesn't remember...you'll have to talk to him about that. Okay...okay, yes. I love you too. I'll see you soon." She sighed as she pushed the "talk" button and put the phone down. "I swear, she get's her anxiety from her father."

"It's an anxious day." Nicky replied softly. Her eyes shifted to Aggie's, who smiled at her.

"I'm so sorry, Nicky. You didn't deserve to be yelled at like that."

"It's okay; I would've been surprised if you'd acted any different. You're under a lot of stress."

"That doesn't excuse it." She placed her hand on Nicky's knee and leaned forward.

"You had a right to be mad at me. I should've found a way to tell you. But it would've been difficult; I need you to know that. He wasn't David...he's still not David. There's so much he doesn't remember."

"But he's there, right? He is different?"

"Yes. But he's not like he used to be."

"None of us are, Nicky."

"Yeah, but I'm not just talking about normal changes, Aggie. He's done things..." She shook her head. "Never mind. You talked to Ellie?"

"And Danny." She scoffed, a chuckle coming from her throat. "I thought he would've dropped the phone or something."

"How'd they take it?"

"I don't think they'll believe it until they see it. And even then..." She shrugged, shaking her head. "I don't know if they'll be as quick to forgive, especially with what he left to do. He doesn't even have a reason..."

"It sounds like even you're at a hard place with this. But you're still forgiving him pretty easily, even with all the confusion and misunderstandings."

Aggie looked at her, mixed emotions flashing across her face. "He's my son. What else can I do but forgive him? I just want to know why."

Nicky took her hand and squeezed. "We all do. Hopefully, someday, we will."

------

Jason paced the living room anxiously, his hands wringing themselves over and over. He was sliding them in his pockets, over his head, breathing heavily. The aroma of spaghetti sauce and garlic bread wafted through the air, the familiarity of it triggering new images into his brain. He glanced at the clock on the wall.

8:15. Later than his mother usually liked to eat supper he suspected, but given the events of the day, he didn't question it.

She was walking around quietly, avoiding eye contact with him. It seemed once the initial shock had worn off and the uneasiness had set in. She was busying herself the best she could and for the first time in a long time, cooking.

"How you holding up?" Nicky came behind him, hands on her hips. She recognized that right now, she had to be the steady hand in the situation, the mediator for the storm about to hit. He looked at her and sighed, shaking his head.

"Overwhelmed. Nervous. Good, though." He looked toward the mantle of the fireplace, where picture of his family stood next to each other. His eyes found the urn. "I wonder who that is."

"We'll never know."

"His family will never know." He said softly. He shook his head; his eyes went to some of the pictures on the mantle. His face was curious and lost; Nicky could see the frustration and confusion as he stared at a picture of the family. She cleared her throat.

"That's your brother." She began, pointing at it closer. He nodded.

"Danny."

"You remember him?" She asked, her tone hopeful. He shrugged and shook his head.

"His face. At the airport that I remembered. And from the library."

"Oh." She felt hope she didn't even know was there slip away slightly, but she hid it well and continued. "Well, this is his wife. Tina."

"Tina..." He mulled, and then made a face. "Something tells me I don't like her."

Nicky chuckled. "You didn't. I never knew why, but you didn't."

"Just a hunch." He added, with a smirk. "And the rest of them?"

She looked him over, as if contemplating for a moment what she was doing then let herself do it. "That, is Kelly. She's Danny's youngest at age 3. The one holding her on her lap? That's Sadie; Sadie's almost 12, she was around 2 when you..." She trailed off for a moment and cleared her throat before continuing. "And this guy is 8 now. They named him after you."

"David?"

She nodded. "Your 'death' really rocked Dan."

He made a face at the sarcastic use of air quotes, but continued. "So we were close? How old is Danny? Like, compared to me?"

Nicky gaped at him for a moment. The question on his face was real; he had no idea. "Jason...Danny and you were twins, you're the same age. You were really his best friend."

Jason stared at the picture; he really didn't know. All he knew was that there was a sense of closeness that came to mind, a reminiscent quality of the way he thought of Danny. He was scared and angry. "So. I left a great girlfriend, a wonderful family..." He scoffed and shook his head, banging his fist angrily against the mantle. "Dammit."

She stared at him from behind. She knew she had two options. She wanted to do the first, to comfort him, to tell him it was okay. But the truth was, it really wasn't; abandoning your family, your friends, your home; there was no good reason for it. And she knew her second choice, the no-coddling choice, was the right way to go. "Getting mad isn't going to solve anything."

He turned around at her hard words filled with resolve. She walked past him, to the mantle, picking up another picture. "It won't undo what has happened; it won't unmake your decisions. All you can do, in the next hour and a half before they get here, is learn as much as you can. Are you ready for that?" He nodded and she led him to the couch, where she bent and picked up a family album from a cabinet in the coffee table. "Good. Then here we go."

They only got about halfway through the book within the half hour when the front door opened. Jason turned away, afraid to look at the person standing in the doorway, but Nicky looked. Abby stood there, taking off her light jacket and setting down her purse, obviously oblivious to the drama occurring in her home.

"Mom, I'm---" She began to yell it as she turned and saw Nicky staring at her, wide-eyed. "Oh hey Nic! That's right, I forgot you were staying. Who's that?"

Nicky turned her head to look at Jason's hunched figure next to her, where he looked extremely too interested in the pictures in front of him. Aggie had entered the room, placing the pot of spaghetti sauce on the table with a wipe of her hands on her apron.

"Just in time for dinner, Abigail." She offered a sad smile.

"It smells good." She replied, confused. There was a feeling of awkwardness in the air, and she stepped forward a little. "Having guests over, I see."

"Oh yes. Abby, this is actually...not a guest." Her mother paused. "David."

Jason lifted his head at his mother's unspoken insistence, and Abby gasped. "Holy Shit."

How do you tell someone that someone they cared about wasn't truly dead? Aggie had never really faced this dilemma in her life and was trying to go about it as delicately as possible, but it didn't seem like there was no right way.

"Abigail."

"Oh please mother." She replied. She turned her attention to David, stepping to him slowly. She reached out her hand as she stood within arms length, pulling it back slightly before finally touching his arm, then face. He was confused and worried, but didn't say anything. Her eyes filled slightly with tears but she shook them away. "Holy Shit. Where...what...where have you been for 10 years?"

He exchanged a look with Nicky and his mother, then looked back at his youngest sibling. "Well that...that's really a long, confusing story, Abby."

The young woman cocked an eyebrow and moved herself in front of the couch and sat. "Well, after 10 years, I'm gonna have to say that you have my undivided attention, and that we certainly have the time."

He motioned toward the table. "Then why don't we sit, eat this wonderful meal, and let me tell what I can, hm?"

----


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Sorry it's taken so long. With the holidays and other stuff all happening, I haven't really had time to write as much as I'd like. But here's a new chapter! And I would like to thank all the people who have been reviewing, I am completely surprised with the amount of reviews I've received and must say, everyone of them has urged me to keep going so THANK YOU!

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Abby just sat there, staring at her plate of half eaten spaghetti. Her mother had excused herself a few minutes earlier, emotions running high again in the room but Abby remained rooted to her seat, listening as her brother told of his mysterious 10 year absence. He would stop every so often and glance in Nicky's direction and hesitantly continue; Abby could tell he was leaving things out, and she didn't really want to ask why.

A secret agent for the CIA in Europe for 10 years, taking precautionary measures to make sure that the US was being protected against those who could cause harm to it. She didn't want to ask what sort of precautionary measures were necessary; something in his eyes told her that he was capable of unspeakable things.

The last time she had seen her brother, she was 12 and he was leaving with Nicky to return to Virginia before driving to New York. 2 days later, 2 government officials showed up on their doorstep.

She was only 4 when he had graduated from high school; 6 when he left for the Middle East as a young marine. After that, he only returned home once or twice a year, while Danny decided to come back and settle in Missouri, to get out of the Marines and marry. That life wasn't for David though, and while he was always cheerful and happy to see his family, she could tell even in her youth that a part of him longed for the military life. "_That boy has a daring spirit, and a taste for adventure_," Her mother would quip with a sigh as he got in the car and drove away.

When he died she had only seen him more than a handful of times that she could truly remember, but she remembered his smile, his laugh and his love for his family. To leave them for that trip seemed hard for him, but for 10 years? What would have possessed him to agree with it?

"So. Let me get this straight. You don't remember...any of it?" Abby asked, her voice low. She knew she had two options here as she kept her emotions in check. For one, she really wasn't as attached to him as her other siblings. Not to say she didn't love him like they did; he was her big brother, he had taken care of her through so many things when she was too young to do it herself. But through most of her life, he hadn't been around. It wasn't his fault; it was just that she was that much younger than him.

He looked at her and she noted the hardness in his gaze, the quick calculating glance that happened before he answered anything. His eyes darted around a lot, searching for an unknown threat that no one could expect. He cleared his throat. "Right. Bits and pieces, like a puzzle. I just don't know the answer to it all."

She decided to choose her words wisely. "I want you to know," She began slowly. "I'm not 12 anymore; so whatever you may remember about me, I've changed. I'm not naive; I know, in this day and age, that the word _precautionary_ in the government, means you killed people." She noticed him almost flinch and look away. "And I'm not asking any questions because I don't think you're ever gonna tell us the whole story cause, like you said, you don't even remember it yourself,_ apparently_."

"He can't, Abby." Nicky interjected, detecting a sense of doubt in the girl's voice. Abby raised an eyebrow in response.

"I'm surprised you're defending him so much, Nicky. I mean, you lost the most of this right? I mean, a future..."

"Do you have a point, Abby?" He asked, not wanting to get Nicky in an even sourer mood with his brother's arrival so close as well. After such an emotionally charged night, he was going to need her with him.

"Yeah, I do. I'm...angry, I guess. There's so much going on right now, this is really overwhelming, but I think anger is probably winning out over anything." She shrugged. "And I'm not a crier; I'm not gonna sob. None of us are probably, just a warning. Ellie and Danny are probably just gonna be really, really angry."

"Great..." He muttered, running a hand through his hair. To his surprise though, she placed a hand on his.

"When Daddy died, I stayed home from school for a week and a half with Mom, to help her out. Cause she wouldn't show that she was really hurting, but we all knew she was. When Ellie was on bed rest for 3 months during her pregnancy, I would drive down on weekends to help her out. And when Mom and I had a hard time paying my tuition for Mizzou, Ellie and Danny chipped in and helped." His befuddled expression made her smile slightly. "What I'm getting at is we help each other out in this family. And you're still family. No matter how mad we all are at you; tonight, just remember that we'll make it through this. As a family."

He smiled back, the first glimpse of her brother all night. "Even after all of this?"

She squeezed his hand. "No matter what."

------

Nicky and Jason sat on the couch later, going over more family photos. Abby sat across from them, filling in whatever Nicky couldn't while Aggie was in the kitchen, obsessively cleaning everything over and over. When Jason had looked toward the kitchen, looking as if he was going to go talk to her, Abby had held up her hand.

"It's just the way she copes, Dave. Just let her go."

So they did. They were so engrossed in what they were doing that when Danny walked in, they barely looked up.

"Dave?"

It was amazing; he recognized the man's voice. Not that he could place it, it just sounded incredibly familiar. His head snapped up though, and his face went pale, realizing another confrontation was at hand. Nicky's hand found his and she squeezed it. He rose.

"Hey...hey Danny." He greeted hesitantly.

He stood there, rigidly as Danny made his way over slowly. Tina and the kids were nowhere to be found, probably waiting for the reunion to be done before they entered the home, so Abby took it upon herself to walk out and go talk to them. Nicky, as promised, stayed with Jason.

Danny stood in front of his brother, and Nicky stared in wonder at how alike they looked. She wondered if the government knew that David's brother resembled him so strongly, if they ever wondered if it would be a security risk. She guessed no, in the end, because they had never done anything about it.

"I can't believe...how did this happen?" Danny asked, his eyes glazed over. Jason stared back warily, a variety of emotions playing inside of him. He wasn't an emotional person, really, and while he knew somewhere inside he had missed this man, he didn't expect tears from himself. He hoped Danny didn't either.

"It's...it's a long story..." He stumbled over his words, but was interrupted as Danny quickly embraced him.

"I don't care, just...I don't care right now." His brother mumbled into his shoulder and he returned the hug until Danny broke it roughly, pulling away with a sheepish grin. "I was always the wimp, wasn't I?" He asked jovially, wiping his eyes. Jason glanced back at Nicky, who shrugged.

"Yeah, yeah." Jason forced a chuckle. "I guess you were."

Danny's face was still smiling, but it wasn't as genuine. "You have no idea what I'm talking about."

The pleasantness of the reunion lessened. Danny stepped back. "Mom told me your memory wasn't that good. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it's a little worse than not 'that good'."

"We're you always the one who was quicker on the uptake then too?" He meant it as a joke, but Danny didn't laugh. "Abby said you'd be mad."

"Well, she was always the smart one of us. But I am happy to see you." He cuffed him on the arm, chuckling. Jason watched him, not replying. Anyone could see Danny was going through a broad range of emotions at the moment. Short and disbelieving, while giddy at the same time. Anger tore through his veins because, from what his mother had told him, David wasn't David any longer. In fact, their David had left to work for the government, in secret, alone. These things just didn't happen in real life!

"If you just want to sit, I can explain..."

"You know, I have to get my kids in, it's been a long drive." He shook his head. "I really just want to sleep. I just...wanted to see you."

"I would really like to explain it to you though. I don't want me coming here to be a mistake, Danny."

His brother looked at him hard and sighed. "Fine. Let me go get the kids though and get them settled in. It's late and plus, I don't want them to see this. You wanna make yourself scarce?"

"Yeah, yeah...I guess I'll go and help in the kitchen." He glanced at Nicky. "Wanna help?"

"Nah..." She said, walking towards Danny. "I think I'm just gonna help Danny with the kids."

Her expression was telling; she was going to try and calm him down, say something supportive to him, while she went to help Tina and his brother with the bags as well. He just nodded.

"Okay, so I'll be you back here in like, 30 minutes?" Danny suggested. Jason nodded back.

"That's good." He watched as they started out the door, Nicky placing a gentle hand on Danny's shoulder in a comforting gesture. He turned away, heading to the kitchen and stopped in the doorway, watching Aggie scour the kitchen in her anxiety, cleaning every inch she possible could. He walked up behind her.

"Let me help." He spoke gently, causing her to jump.

"Oh David...you scared me."

"Sorry." He chuckled slightly, picking up a cloth to help dry the dishes. "I just figured I'd come keep you company."

"Danny's here?" She asked, not looking at him, concentrating on the dishes in front of her. He nodded.

"Yeah...he's going to bring the kids and settle them in before we talk." He picked up a plate and began to dry it. "It's starting to feel like coming here was a mistake."

The dishes hit the soapy water with a _clank _and Aggie just looked at him in disbelief and anger. He began to quickly speak, trying to clarify. "I just meant..."

"How...how could you say something like that to me?" She demanded.

"Well, it seems I've just caused trouble today...and everyone's so angry..."

"And it's better to let us believe you were dead instead?" She strained, shaking her head as she got back to the dishes.

He could only stare at her, watch as she muttered things under her breath as she scrubbed. He grabbed her hand. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, about everything."

She set the dishes down in the soapy water, sighing deeply to calm herself before looking up at him. "I know you're sorry. They know you're sorry. But it doesn't make it undone. And you're going to have to live with that now that now that you've come back. Hopefully, you decide that the trial you're about to endure is worth it."

He stared at her, a frown on his face, yet she didn't keep looking at him. She turned back to her work, scrubbing just as dutifully as ever.

"You were an English teacher." He said softly. She looked up, smiling.

"You remember?"

He nodded. The way she spoke, with such refinement and accuracy, and it reminded him of something from his childhood, a feeling and understanding of repeated reminders to speak properly. A ghost of a smile settled on his unsure face. "I do."

She patted his arm after wiping her hands dry of the water and soap and leaned up on her toes, pecking his cheek, patting it fondly. "You'll get there, David. You'll get there."

And she walked away, leaving him alone with the clean, wet dishes, waiting to be dried.

-------

"So what were you doing in Europe for 10 years?"

Danny sat across from his brother, staring into his face. Nicky sat between them, equal distance from the other and Tina, Danny's wife, sat close to him, her hand on his knee supportively, avoiding David's eyes. Agatha had already returned to bed, the day's events having sapped her in many different ways.

"I was working, as a government...asset." Jason began, choosing his words carefully. He didn't want to give away more than he had to, although he knew he would someday have to admit to his indiscretions.

"An asset, hm? So what did you do that was so secretive that you couldn't pick up a phone and let your family know you weren't dead?"

Jason sighed. "It's a complicated thing, Dan..."

"It doesn't have to be. Stop talking in riddles and be real with me. I think we deserve that at least."

Jason exchanged an uneasy look with Nicky before continuing. "Okay. Okay, fine, I'll tell you what I know."

He began to recall his story, explaining things as simply as he could. He explained about his job, his duties and the person he was assigned; he explained how one day, one job became different from all the rest and that's when it changed. Danny stayed silent through it all; it was a short explanation, mostly because there was still so much Jason himself couldn't remember.

"I don't get how you didn't remember us...how did that happen?"

"The reprogramming he endured, it wiped his slate clean. They began re-writing it."

Danny just stared in shock; it didn't sound possible, it didn't sound valid. It sounded absolutely ridiculous, a fantastic story made up to cover up something else, some other indiscretion that David didn't want them to know.

But as he watched his brother, as he watched the way he moved around them all and set himself, the way he acted with Nicky. He was stiff, uncomfortable and very aware of any slight movement any of them made, as if preparing to defend himself or others if necessary. Danny knew there had to be some validity to the story.

"So what now?

"When I first came away from Treadstone, I went to India and lived with a woman I loved. For 3 years, I was happy for the first time I could remember in my life. And then they killed her, and it started all over again."

He didn't notice Nicky shift uncomfortably at his side at the mention of Marie. She had known that he wasn't hers for a long time, and hadn't been, but it still made her uncomfortable, sending a mixture of emotions through her.

He continued though, not noticing her at all. Maybe that was the problem; he never noticed her.

"...and when this ended, I was alone again. Even the greatest loner yearns for company and I wanted someone I could talk to, to be with, because enough time alone with yourself will drive you insane. And I'm pretty sure I'm as messed up in the head as I'm gonna get." He offered a small grin, but continued seriously. "I wasn't remembering anything before; I remember it now. And I wanted to meet my family again. Do I need anymore of a reason?"

Danny just looked at him, examining him. "It won't be easy."

"Nothing worth it ever is." He replied.

"Well," His brother shrugged, not having much else to say. "It's getting late, so we all should get to bed. Ellie's coming in tomorrow and you're definitely gonna want to rest up for that."

The two stood, face to face, the same height. It was awkward, as if they were to just separate and walk away, but it seemed that Danny couldn't go to sleep angry. "Welcome back David. I'm glad you're home."

Jason smiled back and opened his mouth to reply when out of the blue, a sharp pain ripped through his skull, a voice echoing through his brain.

_"Are you willing to commit to this program?"_

He hissed in pain, wincing visibly and placing his index finger and thumb at his temples.

"Jason?"

_"I can't..."_

"I can't..." He whispered, his eyes fluttering.

"You can't? Jason, you can't what?" Nicky repeated hurriedly. He closed his eyes, fighting vertigo.

The day had been exhausting and his body had worn out. The emotional beating he had taken hadn't helped; he wasn't accustomed to feeling guilty, sad, or any sort of emotion at all. He was a robot, ice cold and sharp. He felt so out of his element, as if the world around him was spinning and he had no control. He didn't like not having control.

"Jason?" Nicky's voice was more urgent now, more worried, and he jumped to his feet, just wanting to go up stairs to a room, so that he could sleep. His body had other plans; his knees buckled and Danny jumped to his feet, grabbing him under his arms as he fell, exhaustion taking over as his body gave in.


	8. Chapter 8

* * *

AN: Oh

AN: Oh. Wow. I completely didn't realize how long it had been since I'd updated. I'm sorry though guys; I have gotten the PM's and stuff, but I'm so busy with my final semester of college right now; I have this huge project that is taking up all of my time, not to mention work...so it's gonna be slow until graduation. But I am still excited about this story and I know how I want it to go and even end, so it will get done-I promise. For now, here's the next update. I hope you all enjoy :)

Disclaimer: Not mine. :)

* * *

Light shined into the room, heating it more than it would've been normal. Jason opened his eyes, deciding it was somewhere around noon based on the position of the sun in the sky. He shot up; he had slept until noon?

He looked around the room, suddenly disoriented. Medals and photos hung on the wall, an old football jersey also pinned in four places above the twin bed he laid in at the moment. He rubbed his head as he began to remember the night's events before. He sighed.

"Good nights sleep?" Nicky asked from the doorway. He turned, raising his eyebrows with a sigh.

"Actually, yeah. How long have I been out?"

"At least 12 hours. Danny helped us get you upstairs last night. You're body just gave in after all the stress you've been putting on it."

"Well, that's a twist." He muttered, sitting up with a rub of his head. He sighed a low whistle. "Is everybody here?"

Nicky nodded. "Ellie just got here about an hour ago. They're eating lunch now. We didn't know how long you'd be sleeping for."

He rose. "Well I guess I better get down there and get it over with."

His despondent tone made her scowl. "Don't sound too excited."

He looked slightly ashamed. "I'm sorry, it's just...whatever. Let's just get down there."

He went to walk past her, all emotion leaving his face and she grabbed for his forearm as he neared the door. "Uh uh, what? It's just what?"

He stared at her stonily, his mouth pressed into a line. She could see his eyes debate whether or not to say anything, whether or not to keep walking or stop. Her grip tightened, and he sighed. "It's the bed I've made; I've got to lie in it. It's just not a lot of fun with no one on my side." He pulled his arm away lightly. "So excuse me, if I'm not real excited to face them. It's not like I won't, though. I'm done running."

He turned again to walk away, and she grabbed his hand this time. "That's not true."

"Isn't it?" He asked, turning back. "They're all angry and I know it's only for awhile, but for the time being, it's not the easiest thing to deal with alone. But I will, because it's not only what I want, it's what they-what you all-deserve."

"You're not alone though." She replied softly after a few seconds of silence. His hand still laid in her open one and she stepped one closer. "I'm on your side."

He wanted to question why, after she had been through such a hell too, but he couldn't because he could see honest gleam in her eye. She had lied too, after all; she had to face this family too.

Her hair was still black, but pulled away from her face, and the sun from the window filtered in, casting shadows across it. A strand of hair hung in front of her eyes which never left his, and he raised a hand to push it behind her ear, letting his palm stop for an extra moment, touching her face.

He wasn't consciously aware of anything, but there was a feeling inside of him sometimes when he talked to her or looked at her that reminded him of what he had felt with Marie. He knew he had loved her, once long before. He could tell that she had loved him too.

He felt the sudden urge to cup her chin, tilt her head up and kiss her but he hesitated. So they stood there, for a moment as he worked past that, and just when he was ready to lean forward, they heard footsteps on the stairs. Soon, they were joined by his youngest sister, standing in the doorway with round eyes at what she assumed she had walked in on. She flushed.

"Um. Hey guys...mom just wanted me to come see what was taking so long, but I'll just tell her you're in the middle of something." Abby explained, ready to turn. Jason and Nicky seemed to snap out of their reverie at the same moment.

"No, we're not!"

"We were just coming!"

They answered in unison, quickly stepping toward the door and Abby skeptically looked back at them.

"Okay, whatever." She shrugged, turning to her brother. "Oh, and just to let you know, Ellie's pissed."

She began walking away and Jason sighed, closing his eyes with dread. As he began to follow her, he felt Nicky take his hand and squeeze quickly, following behind and whispering something only he could hear.

"I'm on your side."

As long as she stayed there, he would be okay.

* * *

When he descended the stairs, the smell of hamburgers and fries hit his nose, causing his mouth to water. Nicky walked past him and into the kitchen, the swinging door squeaking as she made her way through it. He followed her slowly, joining the rest of the family, who looked up as he entered. 10 pairs of eyes stared at him silently. A woman Jason didn't recognize rose from the far end of the table next to a four year old little girl sitting, watching with wide eyes.

"It's really you." She said finally. He swallowed.

"Yeah, it's me." He replied simply. She had walked toward him slowly, examining his face carefully. Her expression was hard to read and calm. She shook her head.

"I was hoping it wasn't. I was hoping Mom was wrong."

His face remained emotionless and he pulled out a seat, gesturing for Nicky to sit. She stared at him strangely, but sat. He turned back to his sister, who still stared at him, tears glittering in her eyes. "I'm sorry you feel that way."

"The person who was my brother would've never left this family." She snapped. "My brother would've never chosen that life. Never. And yet...you're supposed to be him, and you did." She sniffed. "Looks like I was wrong about my big brother after all."

"Maybe you weren't." He suggested softly, sitting down next to Nicky. "Maybe he just changed."

"Hush now." Aggie interrupted, a feeling of nostalgia filling the room as she lightly scolded. "Eat your lunch. Ellie, would you like to help me with those bags in the living room please?"

Even as a woman of almost 30, she hated hearing that tone of voice from her mother. She followed with her head up, eyes cold and fixed as she made her way into the living room when her bags still sat near the door. She didn't speak as she lifted them with her arms, a small grunt of effort escaping her lips. Her mother followed her, grabbing her granddaughters bag and following Ellie to an extra room on the side near the stairs. Ellie heard the door close behind them.

"What on earth has gotten into you?"

"What on earth has gotten into _you_?!" Ellie demanded indignantly. "You're just going to stand there and let him walk in here like nothing is wrong?"

"Eleanor Lee, do not take that tone with me; I don't care how old you are." Her mother reprimanded, earning a cold stare from her daughter. "I know you have my passion and temper, which is not always good, but you need to control it!"

"You're not angry about this?" Ellie asked, sitting down. Aggie sighed.

"I'm furious. But he's my son. Your brother." She pointed out. "And this is harder for him than we can know. He really is walking blind, Ellie, but the most important thing is that he's here and he's trying. So the least we can do is keep our smarmy comments to a minimum." She raised an eyebrow, looking pointedly at her daughter. When Ellie didn't reply before looking away, her mother sat down beside her.

"I know you two were always very close, and that this must be horrible for you. But you have to keep from being so short with him. It won't help any."

Ellie just nodded softly, playing with her hands in her lap. "I just...do you think he'll ever remember?"

Aggie looked at her daughter, 29 and all grown up, but her eyes were sad. She brushed the bangs from her face. "I really don't know honey. We can pray for it."

"Yeah well..." Ellie just shook her head with a sigh. "You know, I think I'm just gonna stay in here and unpack. Can you make sure Kara's okay out there with everyone?"

She knew for long enough that the best way for Ellie to feel better was to be left alone, so she left the room, closing the door behind her, trying not to think of how something that seemed so miraculous and wonderful was like a twister, tearing through the foundations of their lives.

* * *

It was afternoon when Jason finally found himself calm once more. Ellie and he were the only ones there, save for Ellie's daughter. The rest of the family and Nicky had decided to go out for some lunch and shopping, while Ellie had said she just wanted to nap after the long drive. He was sitting out in the backyard, a small pool reflecting the warm summer sun.

He sat, a paper in hand as he merely stared ahead blankly. He was thinking of the entire past two days; it had been so overwhelming. The worst part of it all was that it wasn't anywhere near getting better. Until he could figure out why he had made a decision that had ruined their lives, he would be haunted by this situation and it would stand in the way of it getting better. He knew he was going to have to do something about it.

He was pulled from a stoic reverie by the padding of little feet. He looked up, watching the little girl who was his niece, wandering around the small yard. He watched her, boredly walking around the grass, bending every so often to pick a dandelion and smell it before tossing it aside. He smiled as he watched her. She looked up and frowned in his direction, then went about her business like he wasn't even there.

"Does your mom know you're out here?" He asked, prompting her to look up with wide eyes. She nodded. "Oh, okay...well, hey. I'm gonna go in and get some lemonade. You want some?"

She smiled then, almost hesitantly, and nodded vigorously. He smiled back. "Okay, well. I'll be back out soon. Be careful."

He felt awkward warning her, being as he had no true authority, but he felt like it was needed anyway. He quickly poured a glass for himself, and took Kara's small cup from the dish rack, he walked to the room where Ellie was first and noticed the door ajar. Kara had been napping with her mother, but he assumed Ellie would be up, since Kara had said she knew she was out there. But she wasn't.

He frowned. She must not know that Kara was out there then. Something felt wrong; he hurried back through the kitchen, grabbing the cups as he hurried toward the back.

His instinct, as usual, was right on. The 4 year old had somehow, wandered toward the water and was floating in it, green and yellow plants floating in the area around her. He didn't miss a beat; he dropped the glasses, one which shattered on impact and ran to the shallow water, jumping in feet first and grabbing the girl swiftly. As he scooped her up and laid her down on the pools edge, she began to cough without prompting; she obviously hadn't been in very long.

"Oh god, Kara!" He heard the woman's scream from the sliding door and soon back away as she made it to where he was in a few quick strides. She fell to her crying daughter's side and pulled her into a tight hug.

"I fell!" The little girl sobbed, leaning into her mother's body. Jason scanned the cement; he saw where a lip of it seemed to rise above the others, perilously close to the edge of the pool.

"Oh god, baby, what were you doing out here by yourself?" Ellie asked, and then looked at Jason, fire in her eyes. "Why did you leave her out here?!"

He was speechless, taken aback by her explosive question. "I...I just went in to get us something to drink..."

"And she could've died. Jesus!" She exclaimed, rising up. He motioned to step toward her and she jerked away. "Don't! I think you've done quite enough today." She snapped, turning to rush her sobbing daughter inside, leaving Jason stunned on the patio. He thought he had done alright; he thought she would be relieved, not hateful and angry.

He stood, staring at the door for a few still moments before a quick breeze swept through and gave him a chill, only then alerting him to the fact that he was sopping wet from the neck down. Still stunned from the encounter, he decided to make his way inside, up to his room to change, and possibly, to never emerge from again.

* * *

After changing and settling in, his door closed to the outside hall, Jason lowered himself in front of his laptop to do some online searching for clues and answers. He scoured the sites, connecting dots to figure out where the only answers to his questions could lie.

Both Hirsch, and Vosen, were being kept at the Virginia state penitentiary. He sighed.

That was the first step.

A knock at his door pulled him from his concentration and he closed the screen quickly. "Come in."

Ellie opened it, poking her head in precariously. "Hey. It's me."

He looked back at her, and then turned back to his closed laptop. "Hey."

"Um..." She entered, shifting uncomfortably. When he looked back at her, he saw two cups in her hands. "I brought lemonade?"

"That's a question?" He asked, the corners of his lips quirking. He took one as she offered it and sipped.

"I wanted to come up and apologize...I was such a bitch earlier, and it was just because I was so worried. I just saw her, all wet, not moving..." She trailed off, shaking her head. "And I snapped on you, when I should've been thanking you."

"It's okay; it's been a long day." He replied. His voice was level and emotionless. He drank again, and she sat on his bed.

"It's not okay. I saw your face when I yelled at you."

He set the cup down. "I don't know what you're talking about..."

"I don't hate you, David." She interrupted. "I'm just..." She trailed off with a sigh. "This is a very stressful situation that just sprang out of nowhere. And it's just...hard, with you, showing up and not remembering it and it's just...very hard."

He watched her as she spoke and saw her getting more flustered with every word. He felt an overwhelming tightening of his chest that he was not familiar with; guilt weighed heavier than ever before and something came to him out of the blue, like a dream. He knelt in front of her and grabbed her hand.

"Hey." He grabbed her hand and she looked him in the face, brown eyes wide and shining. She was looking at him differently; like he was her big brother, and he truly did have all the answers. "I promise you, this is going to be okay. In the end, it will turn out okay."

Her eyes suddenly filled with tears and her mouth opened slightly. He could hear her breathing quicken. "How...how do you know though? For sure?" She said it softly, almost a whisper, and he smiled.

"Well, if it's not, then it's not the end. I won't let it be the end."

She stayed silent, biting her lip as she held her tears back with a harder force. He questioned a few things in that moment; what had upset her in that? Had he said the wrong thing? Because it had felt so right.

What had made it feel so right?

She finally set her hand on top of his hand, then leaned in and hugged him tightly.

"Thank you for coming back to us." She whispered, her voice shaky. She rose as she pulled away and smiled uncertainly, before leaving quickly.

He sat, stunned. What had he done to make her react like that? Either way, it seemed like a beginning of an easier time for him, so he didn't think about it too much. He merely turned back to his computer, opened the top back up and began typing.

He had a lot of things to figure out about Hirsch.

* * *

It was an hour or so before the rest of the family returned from their day out. He had saved, and locked many documents after hacking into some highly confidential areas. He had found out the location of Vosen and Hirsch, and also, the location of items seized in regards to Treadstone. Among them-surveillance tapes and typed up conversations, word for word, of many high classified occurrences. He hoped to find something when he went to Virginia.

That was a whole other ball game as well. He was sure they would all be unhappy when he left. He would wait, he decided, but only a week-to see if he could figure it out on his own. If not, he would go...but this time, he would come back.

A knock came at his door. Luckily, the computer was on a news website and all of the incriminating files were safely tucked behind passwords in the database. The door opened without prompting and he saw Abby's head poke through.

"Is it okay if I come in?"

He nodded and motioned her in. She entered, somewhat timidly and sat on the bed across from him.

"So I heard someone played hero today?"

He flushed pink. "Not hero," He replied sheepishly. "Right place at the right time."

"Yeah, well we're really lucky you were out there. I hate to think what could've happened..." She trailed off, truly not wanting to think about it. Jason could see her uneasiness and spoke to fill in the silence.

"Anyone else would've done the same thing."

"Yeah, well, mom about lost it when she heard it. Her grandchildren are her world and I can tell, she's thinking about you not being here. She just kept saying that. _'Thank God David was here.'_ "

"Yeah, well, Ellie wouldn't have been here if I wasn't here." He reminded her. She nodded.

"True, very true." She sat on his bed. "How did that go anyway? You being with her here all day? I got the feeling it was weird. She seemed weird."

"Did she?" He asked, and then shrugged. "She was really mad at me at first, but then she came up here to talk with me. She got emotional and left. I don't think I did anything, but then again, I don't really know anything about her, do I?" He said it in a negative tone, and Abby softened.

"I'm sorry."

He smiled softly at her. "Don't be. If anyone should be apologizing, it should be me to you." He sighed, pulling himself up. "How about we just go down there and join them? Do something to help jog my memory or something..."

"What did you say to her?" She interrupted. Jason just blinked back. "I mean, I saw her; she looked a little shaken up. Maybe you said something to her that you used to say, even if you don't remember it."

He wrinkled his face skeptically. "I don't know...I mean, she just looked really stressed about the whole situation, so I told her that everything, in the end, would turn out okay."

Abby began to nod slowly. "And that if it wasn't okay, it wasn't the end?" When he looked at her in surprise, she nodded faster. "Yeah, you said that to her once, when she was younger; ever since, it's always been one of her mantras. At least that's what she told me."

"Really?"

"Really." She shrugged. "But isn't that good? That even if you don't remember exactly, those kinds of things comes to you?"

"I guess. Actually, there's no way I would've said something like that in the past decade; we don't leave things to chance." He frowned. "Do you think I could be getting something back?"

She smiled at his uncertain tone. "I hope so. We'll just have to wait and see; but like you said, it'll be okay in the end." She got up off the bed. "But you're right. We should all get back down there. I bet mom's going to pretty much squeeze the life out of you when she sees you, for earlier."

He looked visibly uncomfortable at the idea, and Abby noted how her brother would sometimes seemingly fall into two different personas; he could be David, easy going and eager to be around his family. Or he could be Jason; a man uncertain of the things around him, always cautious and wary. He nodded though, walking out of the room in front of her and she watched him for a moment.

She hoped that sooner than later, or at least someday, David would be the only one left and Jason, would be a distant memory.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Wow. I'm so grateful with how much it seems people are enjoying this story...it kinda blows my mind haha. I would like to apologize greatly for the long time in between updates; between work, graduating, trying to find a full time job and...working, not to mention my social life, writing has been kinda moved to the side. Also, the fact that, if I don't feel like I can produce quality stuff, I won't publish it. There's been some I've written, but I didn't feel like it was that good. This, I'm happy with. I hope you will be too. And thank you all who've been hanging with me, cause I really appreciate it. :)

Disclaimer: Not Mine. :p.

* * *

It was Danny who had suggested the hometown bar. It was a hole in the wall type of place, one where he and David had hung out in during leave, where Ellie had first gotten drunk at 18 illegally, and where Abby had spent her 21st birthday. It was where, young and old, the local crowds ran. There would be old high school buddies as well as others, who would see Jason, and then they would know; David Webb would be the new Lazarus.

They entered it, finding it decently busy for a Sunday night in a small town. Danny and Ellie had decided to make it an extended weekend, staying until late on Monday, and after the past few emotionally stressful days, a relaxed night at the bar sounded like the perfect solution. Couples filled booths with friends as they doubled, and the siblings with Nicky joining them at one. They could feel the place go still, hear it go silent as they watched, seeing the brothers again together for the first time.

"I don't believe it," A gruff male voice came. "I must be much more drunk than I thought. Danny, I'm seeing two of you."

Danny laughed nervously in response. "No, no you're not. Yeah. Guys, you know David."

"Yeah, we know he's dead." Another male voice said, a man rising from a far booth.

"Uh oh..." Ellie breathed. "Max."

Nicky had heard about Max. He had been the men's best friend until they all went their separate ways, but they still had tried to hang out whenever they were in town together. When David had died, he had taken it pretty hard.

He was also a guy who wasn't afraid to throw a punch when tensions got high.

"Max..." Danny began, rising up to meet the man.

"What's going on here Dan?" He examined Jason critically and Nicky could see him tense, preparing to defend himself if necessary. Nicky grew nervous; not at all for Jason, but for Max. This would be the test of the night, to see if it was time for him to be out and about in the community.

"It's a long story Max. It seems, though, that David here forgot who he was. But he's come back to us; haven't you?" Danny was eyeing his brother, hinting wordlessly to nod and leave it alone.

"Forgot?" Max spat. "Like...amnesia? That isn't real!"

"It is, though." Jason spoke. "I would know, I've had to live it. Now I'm just trying to get to know my family again. Do you mind?"

His tone was sharp and Max visibly flinched, hurt. "Whatever man, fuck that then." He threw up his arms and turned, walking brusquely away without a backward glance. Others in the bar who had been watching the interaction stared for only a moment more, then turned back to each other and the conversations they had been having. Or, more than likely, conversations about the excitement this return would cause.

"10 bucks we start getting phone calls." Abby muttered.

"I call it, and raise you another 10." Danny replied dryly. "I'm gonna go get us a round."

"I'll come help." Ellie offered, quickly following her brother. While she was okay with David's return, she still found herself to be uncomfortable around him.

Nicky and Abby turned to Jason, whose head was hung. "He's gone, right?"

"You looked like you wanted to judo chop him." Abby replied with a laugh, intending it to be a joke. Jason and Nicky exchanged a serious glance and Abby quieted. "Oh."

"I won't let some stupid drunk, or anyone else, hassle me, or any of you." He replied gruffly.

"This isn't Treadstone, Jason." Nicky interjected sharply. "You can't just punch someone because they're doing something you don't like. He's not threatening, or hurting anyone. He's just an asshole."

"There is no reason for the people I care about to be hurt anymore than they already have been." He was staring hard at her.

"Oh, and you think beating the crap out of some drunk is going to make them feel better about you being here?"

"Okay, guys, calm down." Abby interrupted, laying her arm physically in between the two, who were sitting opposite of each other. "David, you will not be punching out anyone. While mom having to bail you out of jail would be the cherry atop this weekend, I'd rather spare her any more stress than she has to deal with."

He sat up straighter in response. "I'm going to the bathroom." He replied, rising from his barstool. "I'll try not to beat anyone up before I get back."

"Was that...a joke?" Nicky asked mockingly as he walked away, a hint of a smug smile on her face. Until Abby turned to her.

"And _you_ have got to be nicer to him." She began. "I know you're mad at him-more mad and frustrated than any of us, it seems. And wary as well. But this isn't easy for him either, Nicky, and you know that."

"I've been perfectly nice to him!" She defended. "Hell, I've been the one standing by his side this entire week."

"And you've also been cold. And stiff around him. Do you even see how he looks at you sometimes?"

"I do. I feel it. How do you think that makes me feel?" Her voice seemed to raise an octave.

"Maybe you just need to talk to him about that." Abby suggested quietly; he was walking back to the table. "You know you're gonna have to sometime."

"I don't think I will though." Nicky responded, and that was the end of it. Jason joined the table just as Ellie and Danny returned, setting a pitcher and a bucket of longnecks on the table.

And all the while, Nicky was very conscious of Jason's eyes on her, watching. Waiting.

* * *

The night went on without too much of problems. As the hours passed, and more pitchers were emptied, Jason seemed to relax and slide into a laidback lifestyle much easier than Nicky ever believed he could. Again, she could see remnants of the man she had once loved shining through, as he laughed and joked with his brother. Ellie's eyes found her own when she was gazing at him at one point and she smiled softly as if to say _'See. It's almost him.'_" Nicky had just smiled back.

As the air filled with more smoke and cheap perfumes, more couples were joining the dance floor. Nicky noticed Abby looking in a direction, and then quickly looking away, and when she followed the gaze, noticed a younger group of men on the other side of the room, one doing the same. She grinned softly as he picked up a beer and began walking over.

"Hey Abby." He spoke softly, almost nervously, as he walked up behind her. She spun and smiled, and in the dim light, Nicky could see a soft blush working onto the girl's features.

"Hey Eric. How are you? I haven't seen you in awhile!" She exclaimed. The young man-Eric, apparently-smiled widely.

"Yeah, that's cause you're lame and never come home." He replied, flirting as he leaned in close and teased her. She giggled in response.

Nicky looked at Danny and Jason, who were staring suspiciously at the boy. Ellie, however, was grinning. She leaned close to Nicky.

"Abby has had a crush at that kid for years. I think he liked her too, but they went to different schools." She whispered. Nicky grinned wider.

"Hey so...I was wondering if you might wanna dance? I'll buy you a beer to put up with me." He joked, laughing through nervousness. She smiled, shyly now, and leaned closer. Danny looked like he was sizing the kid up, and surprisingly enough, so did Jason.

"You don't have to bribe me. Dancing sounds like fun, and I'm for sure not going to dance with my brothers." She ended it with a scoff, her tone insinuating that she would rather drink antifreeze than dance with them. Eric grinned wider and looped his arm around her waist leading her away as he began to talk more, their conversation getting drowned out as they moved further into the crowd.

"I can get his social." Jason remarked. "And his address."

"Good, I was gonna ask." Danny replied quickly. Ellie rolled her eyes.

"Overreaction much?" She asked, but a ghost of a smile played on her lips.

Nicky wasn't paying much attention to the exchange. Her eyes were on the dance floor as the two began to sway together, Abby being the bolder of the two and putting her arms around his neck as they moved closer together, whispering and smiling, their eyes holding strong meaning to as how this could be more than simple flirtation.

The next few songs passed with Jason and Danny going back and forth about Eric, and about anything that wasn't too personal. It sounded like casual small talk, like they were talking around something, tip toeing in a field full of mines that at any time could explode simultaneously. Ellie had been pulled away by some friends and soon, came over to Danny, pulling him away as well to join in on some of the conversation. Nicky and Jason were left alone.

A tune began in the air, the opening rifts familiar to all in the room, and earned excited gasps from some. Couples moved closer; Eric and Abby were now practically inseparable.

As the sound hit Nicky, her breathing hitched and Jason's trained ear picked it up. He glanced at her, questioningly, before she raised her eyebrows and he shrugged, looking away. She kept herself from panicking, from saying anything, scolding herself silently as she remained composed. She had heard it millions of times since he had left, many times in Europe even during their missions there, but never before had it impacted her again like this. She knew it was because he was here, sitting with her in a bar and it was almost like she could pretend none of this had ever happened.

_"Today is gonna be the day, that they're gonna throw it back to you..."_

He turned to her again, something different about him and he held out his hand as other couples had joined the cramped dance floor, minds hazy with cheap beer and smoke. After hesitating, she placed her hand in his and he pulled her to her feet, taking her to the floor. Her heart began to beat and her breathing grew faster, but she controlled it well.

They started casually, but he pulled her closer soon. "Why are we out here?"

She felt him shrug. "I saw you looking at the dance floor, like you wanted to come out here all night. Since everyone else was coming out here for it, I figured we'd follow." He explained. It seemed valid enough and she accepted it, swaying with him as if he had swayed with her always. It took mere moments before she was comfortable enough to rest her chin on his shoulder, cautiously forcing herself to know that this was merely for fun and didn't mean anything. This was easy to do...until he breathed into her ear.

_"And after all...you're my wonderwall..."_

"Stop it!" She exclaimed, pulling away, her ear still warm from his whispered breath. "Just...stop it."

She had drawn attention from those around them and Jason merely stood, staring at her, mixed emotions on her face. She knew in that split second before she decided to turn and leave that he hadn't even realized what he was doing, that it had just happened; a misunderstood endearment, picked from the shadows in his head. She wanted to die, but she ran instead. Running was always easier.

The cool night air hit her and she swallowed it hard, keeping the tears at bay. She ran to the edge of the parking lot where an old chain link fence separated it from an old hardware store and stopped, grabbing the fence and shaking it in anger and frustration. Unable to keep them back any longer, she began to sob angrily.

"Nicky!" A few moments later, the voice came behind her. She thanked god for it; she had stopped crying by then, but the evidence was still on her blotchy face. She turned, staring at him from 10 feet in front of her, shadows playing across his face from the streetlight. She crossed her arms in front of her and stood, hip jutted out, a scowl on her face.

"What do you want?"

"I wanted to see if you were okay..." He began, walking closer. She stepped back and he halted his walk.

"I'm fine. I've been fine. I just...was caught off guard."

"We're gonna have to talk about this." He began walking again, slower, and she didn't move, mostly for lack of space. He got just farther than arms reach and stopped; she could see a sadness in his eyes she couldn't place.

"We have nothing to talk about."

"We do."

She paused, eyes narrowed, but she knew he wasn't going to leave it alone. "Fine. Then what do you want to talk about? How we were happy? How we were together, how it was good, how you just left?" She spat.

He stood there, staring expectantly, knowing she had to vent this out. He had nothing real to say because, sadly enough, he didn't remember anything solid from their relationship. She saw his face, and her fury at his expectations exploded.

"There were kid's names, and marriage talk and...ideas, of where we would live. You even talked about leaving the service, settling in Virginia, starting a life! And then you just left," She had begun crying again to her humiliation, but he just moved closer, grief on his face. "You just left, without any warning, and you had no reason, no real reason! We were happy, but we weren't good enough were we? Me, your family? Why weren't we good enough Jason? Why?!"

He moved to grab her hands comfortingly, but she snatched them away and began to beat his chest with her fists, crying evermore, until he grabbed her wrists tightly and pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her tightly as she sobbed, losing all control. He lowered her to the ground, resting on a parking block, letting her cry as her attempts to beat him weakened, slowed and eventually, gave out with her frustrations.

"I don't know what it was that led to this." He replied softly, his arm around her with his hand resting on her opposite hip. "I know it wasn't you or them, though. It couldn't have been."

"I guess we'll never know." She muttered caustically, pulling back away from him.

"Unless we go to Virginia. See Hirsch."

She gaped at him. "You've already planned this out." She stated in wonderment. "That's why you did this, because you're gonna leave again."

"Nicky..." He reached for her, but she stood quickly, averted his hand.

"No! I won't have any part in it this time, Jason."

"You don't have to. I'd understand if you didn't want to come, in the end."

"You don't need me."

"But I do." He replied quickly, so fervently it caused her to look up sharply. There was desperation in his gaze that she couldn't understand, and he moved toward her slowly. "You told me you were on my side, even though no one else might be. You're the only one that can understand this Nic."

Her words, which seemed to have been said so long before, came back now in her mind, the memory of her hand around his the day before causing her breathing to hitch. A light feeling of shame washed over her; she had been treating Jason with a tolerating kindness. She was only helpful or nice to him because she felt bad, or guilty. Under those words, though, lay frustrations and anger that simmered as she held it in. The bad things about those kinds of feelings, though, were the longer you held them in, the fiercer they would become and then, there would only be an explosion.

Sort of like the scene she had just exhibited, she thought to herself, her cheeks growing warm. She swallowed, searching for something to say and thankfully, being interrupted as Ellie came into her eyesight from behind Jason, stalking towards the two of them, worry etched on her face. Danny followed a few feet behind.

"Nicky? David, what's going on?" As she got within eyesight and could see Nicky's puffy expression, she hurried to a speed walk, pushing past David and touching Nicky's arm. "What's wrong? David, what did you do?"

"He didn't do anything," Nicky defended. "It was just...a misunderstanding. I'm just kind of stressed, that's all."

"Well, let's just head out. Abby's gonna get a ride from Eric, so we'll just take our car." She grabbed Nicky's hand, pulling her close in a sisterly gesture as she rubbed her arm soothingly. She gave Jason a wary look. "Danny wants to talk with you alone."

Ellie led Nicky away as Danny neared, Jason pacing slowly. He stopped as his brother came close to him, a wry smile on his face, the result of the few beers that were still in his system. "Well, what have you done now?"

"I'm like a one man wrecking crew." He replied with a sigh. "What's up?"

Dan shrugged. "I don't know. I have a few beers in me, I'm feeling pretty good. We haven't had the chance to really chat yet. You wanna go get some late night breakfast?"

Jason was staring at him, contemplating it, but he nodded. "Yeah. A cheese omelet sounds pretty good right now."

"Green peppers and onions?" Jason nodded, and Dan chuckled. "Well, some things never change."

They got to the Denny's 15 minutes later and were seated quickly enough, in a booth in the rear of the restaurant. The waitress brought them coffee, and they sat, making their awkward small talk as they had the past two days before their food was brought. And it was Danny who made the first move in the end.

"So what was it like? What you remember of it, I mean?" He asked.

Jason treaded lightly in his answers. He didn't want to be a monster to them, but he wanted to be a liar even less. He admitted to his heinous duties that he carried out swiftly and unemotionally. But what he remembered most deftly was the three years after the Wombosi mission.

"That was you?" Danny exclaimed. "I heard about that vaguely, just because that guy made such a fuss about it. That was you?"

Jason nodded. "That was me."

Conversation carried from there, for an hour or so. Jason had limited memories, and Danny seemed to be enjoying reliving their memories, even if Jason couldn't completely share in the remisinicing.

"...and there you were, with poor Annie Sanderson under the bleachers in nothing but jeans and you, with your hands strategically placed." Danny was laughing, wiping his mouth as he swallowed his last bite. Jason was smiling at the story that sounded like a work of fiction rather than something that had actually happened to him. "Half the rest of the team was out there, truck lights shined right on the poor thing, hootin' and hollering. She grabbed her stuff, slapped you a good one and ran like hell. Man, I thought you were gonna kill me!" Danny was shaking his head at the memory, laughing. "But you don't remember that, do you?"

Jason smiled still, but there was a sad quality to it. "I'm sorry."

"The only thing you should be sorry for not remembering is because you're on the losing end. We had some great times."

"I wouldn't expect anything less." The mood grew somber, and silence stretched for a few moments before Danny spoke once more.

"Wish we knew why."

The hairs on Jason's neck stood up; he had planned on leaving quietly, after his siblings had left, and would've left a note for his mother, promising his return swiftly. But Danny was staring off wistfully, assuming they would never know for certain. Jason sighed.

"Actually, that's something I wanted to talk to you about." He began dauntingly. Every instinct was screaming against it, but he forced himself to ignore it. As an asset, you trusted only those who were linked to the agency, but here was someone who cared and trusted him implicitly. Danny deserved the same feeling; Jason supposed that's what family meant to him, once upon a time.

"You're gonna leave again." Danny guessed.

"It's the only way to find out the root of all of this; to bury this, and hopefully work away from it." He sighed. "It'll only be for a few days, and I _**will**_ come back this time. I will."

The absence of the awkwardness that usually accompanied silence was obviously not a result of his reprogramming, but a characteristic he shared with his brother. As it carried on, the two sipping their coffee as they thought, Jason mused as to what other personality quirks he shared with his family; he really hadn't given such things much thought since he had been here.

"I don't think it's important to know what happened." Danny began. "But if it's what you need, to make this easier, then go. We'll be here when you come back." The _if_ hung in the air, but he never said it. "What do you need me to do?" Jason smiled at his twin fondly.

"Thank you." And he began to explain his plan, and together, they began working a way to leave the past behind them and work together to continue into their futures.


End file.
